Most Revealing Hadith on Gender in Islam? (2022-01-14) ​

0:00:00 what if you were dying from thirst and
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0:01:22 how are you guys doing there is one
0:01:23 hadith which is a very special hadith
0:01:26 which is very pertinent to the issues
0:01:28 relating to gender now especially in the
0:01:31 modern age after the enlightenment
0:01:33 period after renaissance after all these
0:01:35 times
0:01:37 and different kind of ideologies have
0:01:39 emerged the question is to what extent
0:01:41 have those ideologies especially in the
0:01:43 west had an impact
0:01:45 on human society now that's a very
0:01:47 important question both for religious
0:01:49 audiences and non-religious audiences
0:01:52 i came across this hadith in bukhari and
0:01:54 actually there are lots of hadith which
0:01:56 corroborate this hadith it's called
0:01:58 torokh different
0:02:00 pathways of hadith
0:02:02 talking about a very interesting
0:02:05 incident and i regard this hadith from
0:02:07 my very limited knowledge of hadith
0:02:09 as probably the most telling hadith
0:02:12 of gender relations
0:02:15 in islam or in the 7th century period
0:02:18 now why is this important for
0:02:20 religious people or non-religious people
0:02:21 muslim audiences and non-muslim
0:02:23 audiences alike
0:02:24 because one question that has kind of
0:02:26 plagued our imagination has been to what
0:02:29 extent
0:02:30 have ideologies the like of say feminism
0:02:34 second third wave feminism any type of
0:02:36 feminism has an impact on human
0:02:39 behavior to what extent has it actually
0:02:41 shaped what men or women do to what
0:02:44 extent have it has it shaped societies
0:02:46 and gender relations
0:02:48 and i think this hadith is very
0:02:49 important in answering that question now
0:02:51 i'm not going to be
0:02:52 giving you an exact word for word uh
0:02:55 narration of this hadith but i am going
0:02:57 to be spelling it out for you in kind of
0:03:00 paraphrased terms and send give you a
0:03:02 link in the description box of the
0:03:04 entire hadith although i may say as well
0:03:07 that this hadith has different
0:03:08 narrations but this one is in bukhari
0:03:12 ibn abbas who was
0:03:14 the torja man of the quran
0:03:16 the prolific sahabi that wanted to know
0:03:20 every little thing about
0:03:21 the quran he went to um
0:03:24 who as many of you will know is the
0:03:26 second caliph
0:03:27 after the death of the prophet muhammad
0:03:30 and after abu bakr and also one of the
0:03:32 best friends of the prophet muhammad
0:03:36 he went to him because he wanted to know
0:03:39 the meaning of an ayah of the quran in
0:03:40 chapter number 66 where it said in tatum
0:03:45 if you both repent to allah then allah
0:03:47 has made it so that you may do so and
0:03:50 this was a verse in chapter 66 that i'm
0:03:52 not best wanted to know who these two
0:03:54 were referring to so he went to um
0:03:57 and then um
0:03:59 narrated the story to him so that hadith
0:04:01 is narrated by ibn abbas
0:04:04 and
0:04:05 ahmad al-khattab started by saying
0:04:07 something very interesting
0:04:09 he says
0:04:12 [Music]
0:04:16 he said that we the people of quraish
0:04:19 who are a people
0:04:20 who used to dominate our wives
0:04:26 when we went to the medina
0:04:28 the people the ansar they were
0:04:33 were people that their wives used to
0:04:35 dominate them
0:04:37 now i found this very interesting very
0:04:39 surprising i have to be honest the first
0:04:41 time i came across this hadith it made
0:04:44 me think
0:04:45 this is
0:04:48 this is a 7th century audience this is
0:04:50 at least a thousand
0:04:52 300 and something odd years before
0:04:55 feminism could even be
0:04:56 referred to as such
0:04:58 and there is this phrasiology very
0:05:00 gendered phraseology being used
0:05:02 that we were a people that we used to
0:05:04 dominate our wives and these people of
0:05:07 al-ansar who are another
0:05:09 group of people were a group of people
0:05:11 he's saying
0:05:13 their wives dominated them
0:05:16 and he said
0:05:18 he narrates the story
0:05:20 of going to his wife
0:05:24 i went to my wife
0:05:26 and he was speaking to her
0:05:28 about
0:05:30 the attitudes of medina society
0:05:34 and she answered back
0:05:36 to um
0:05:40 he was a very strong character very
0:05:43 assertive character very extroverted
0:05:46 character extremely confident person
0:05:49 he was a fair man actually a feared man
0:05:52 a big man physically big and a big
0:05:55 personality
0:05:56 and remember he was just saying that you
0:05:58 know we were the people that used to
0:05:59 dominate
0:06:00 our wives
0:06:01 and his wife now is answering him back
0:06:04 so he said
0:06:06 are you answering me back
0:06:10 and his wife
0:06:12 wife returned and she said
0:06:14 you know
0:06:16 actually
0:06:17 you know the prophets why even the
0:06:18 prophets wives who are meant to be like
0:06:20 you know she doesn't say this but who
0:06:22 are in islam meant to be the epitome
0:06:25 of you know they even they
0:06:28 jordan
0:06:32 that used to they used to leave off the
0:06:34 prophet
0:06:35 withdrawal from the prophet muhammad
0:06:37 from the
0:06:39 night from the day into the night
0:06:40 meaning they used to give him the cold
0:06:42 shoulder they used to withdraw from him
0:06:45 and he was bewild he was completely
0:06:48 befuddled and bewildered and bedazzled
0:06:50 and shocked and
0:06:51 by this uh comment so oh he got
0:06:54 triggered you want to put it in that he
0:06:55 got triggered by that
0:06:57 because remember
0:07:01 was the wife of the prophet muhammad one
0:07:04 of the wives of the prophet muhammad
0:07:07 so he says
0:07:08 when he heard that it's like everything
0:07:10 switched off he put on his clothes
0:07:16 i got my my clothes and i put it on me
0:07:18 and he went to
0:07:20 his daughter
0:07:22 and he said to his daughter he said to
0:07:24 her
0:07:25 is it true
0:07:26 that one of you i.e one of the wives of
0:07:28 the prophet used to
0:07:32 leave the the prophet sallallahu alaihi
0:07:34 wasallam
0:07:36 from the night to from the day into the
0:07:38 night
0:07:39 not from the night into the day but from
0:07:41 the day into the night meaning it's not
0:07:43 talking about marital relations or
0:07:44 anything like that because that would be
0:07:45 a different level of
0:07:47 transgression which that we have no
0:07:48 evidence ever happened by the way but
0:07:50 anyway
0:07:51 is it the case that you should do
0:07:52 something like that
0:07:55 she says vietnam she says yes
0:07:58 he said whoever does anything like that
0:08:02 she lost his failure
0:08:06 and then he was triggered already so
0:08:07 imagine he's talking to his own daughter
0:08:09 and by the way this shows us it gives us
0:08:11 a glimpse i don't want to make too much
0:08:12 commentary at this point because i'll
0:08:14 comment on this afterwards
0:08:16 of how
0:08:17 the father-in-law
0:08:20 deals with the son-in-law a pious son
0:08:22 albert this one the most pious
0:08:23 son-in-law
0:08:25 he got triggered on behalf of the
0:08:26 son-in-law in this case is
0:08:28 the prophet muhammed who he loved the
0:08:30 most
0:08:32 who he loved the most
0:08:33 he said
0:08:36 you think
0:08:38 don't ever do that he says whoever's
0:08:39 done that is a failure
0:08:41 and what about your friend he's talking
0:08:44 about aisha
0:08:45 who's who is known another wife of the
0:08:47 prophet
0:08:48 that she is
0:08:52 more beautiful than you anyway
0:08:54 and she's more beloved to the prophet
0:08:55 muhammed
0:08:57 so he he saw that she was being jairia
0:08:59 she was being bold
0:09:01 so he was bold with her she was
0:09:03 triggering him he triggered her
0:09:06 and this is in many ways the right way
0:09:08 to advise
0:09:09 a woman
0:09:10 who is disrespecting her husband with
0:09:12 all due respect now we see a lot of
0:09:14 people
0:09:15 they see that the woman is complaining
0:09:17 and withdrawing from the husband not
0:09:18 giving him his rights and they egg her
0:09:20 on they push her to do some more yeah do
0:09:22 it more this is the father of the he
0:09:24 loves her so much
0:09:25 yeah
0:09:27 as the quran says
0:09:31 if you speak then speak the truth and
0:09:33 even if it is someone close to you so
0:09:35 this was the manhattan
0:09:36 and the way of
0:09:39 so he went after that to see the prophet
0:09:42 muhammed himself and he had a man
0:09:45 guarding the door his name was
0:09:47 he was guarding the door and he was by
0:09:48 himself
0:09:50 because his wives had told him that the
0:09:52 the the the hafsah had told him that the
0:09:54 prophet muhammad had been like secluded
0:09:57 by himself and this was going to give us
0:09:58 another lesson by the way which is a
0:10:01 very important lesson which we don't
0:10:02 hear enough of i'll tell you what
0:10:04 happened
0:10:05 at first he didn't allow anybody in
0:10:07 including umar but eventually
0:10:10 he
0:10:10 come into the house
0:10:12 so ahmad came into the house and the
0:10:13 first question he asked
0:10:15 he asked him did you divorce your wives
0:10:18 and he said no
0:10:20 he didn't divorce his wife so he said
0:10:22 allahu akbar ahmad was celebrating
0:10:24 because in reality he doesn't want to
0:10:25 see his daughter or any of the other
0:10:27 mothers of the believers be divorced
0:10:31 so he was elated by the fact that he
0:10:33 there was no divorce that took place
0:10:36 and then um
0:10:38 he said the same kind of thing that he
0:10:39 was saying to ibn abbas in the beginning
0:10:40 of generation he and i want you to pay
0:10:43 attention to the psychological cues here
0:10:45 they're very important because they
0:10:47 relate to the gender discussions
0:10:49 that i have happening now not just from
0:10:51 feminists but from these red pill and
0:10:53 all these kind of things
0:10:55 is an eye opener to the man hedge of the
0:10:58 prophet of how he dealt with these
0:10:59 issues
0:11:00 before the the existence of these
0:11:03 ideologies
0:11:04 so
0:11:06 stated the same thing as he stated
0:11:08 before
0:11:09 he says
0:11:14 we are people we the people of quraish
0:11:15 were people that we used to dominate our
0:11:17 wives
0:11:20 when the people of al-ansar their wives
0:11:22 used to dominate them
0:11:24 so he's saying the same thing the
0:11:26 prophet's reaction to this he just
0:11:28 smiled literally
0:11:31 he just smiled he said he just smiled
0:11:33 so he didn't really engage with that he
0:11:35 said yes you know
0:11:37 to be honest that was not the the
0:11:39 response of the prophet muhammad
0:11:44 he stated that he went to his daughter
0:11:46 and he told her what he told her you
0:11:48 know that is more beloved than all the
0:11:50 kind of things i told you before and
0:11:52 again it said that the prophet sallam
0:11:54 he merely smiled he did not
0:11:57 engage
0:11:58 with omar
0:12:02 and then
0:12:03 he made dua a supplication to the
0:12:05 prophet
0:12:06 muhammad because he was sleeping on this
0:12:09 kind of straw and he said the people of
0:12:12 you know the emperor of roman the
0:12:13 emperor of persia they have all this
0:12:15 white expanse and you're sleeping on the
0:12:17 floor
0:12:18 he goes
0:12:21 out on you he would expand your abode
0:12:23 like you make the prophet at that stage
0:12:25 he actually responded he said i'm not
0:12:27 interested why should i it's mata dunya
0:12:29 this is uh
0:12:30 it's not the thing i want because we the
0:12:33 hereafter and the eschaton and all that
0:12:35 kind of thing
0:12:37 now
0:12:38 long story short
0:12:43 of the quran actually came down for this
0:12:44 now why was the prophet secluding from
0:12:46 all the wives because they were actually
0:12:48 asking him
0:12:49 to to give him money that he didn't have
0:12:52 that's why in sura
0:12:59 that the ayah came down which said that
0:13:01 if you want the the
0:13:02 the the the adornments of this world
0:13:06 then come and i will set you free and so
0:13:08 on
0:13:09 so there was an it was actually a choice
0:13:11 given to the wives of the prophet if you
0:13:12 didn't want to be with me then you can
0:13:13 go and it would actually be effective
0:13:16 and an effectual divorce
0:13:18 they had the choice many things can be
0:13:21 extrapolated from this hadith
0:13:23 number one the prophet didn't really
0:13:25 engage
0:13:26 with
0:13:28 the dominating uh
0:13:30 kind of discourse that um
0:13:33 came with
0:13:34 because actually in other places
0:13:36 the prophet muhammad has been described
0:13:39 in a hadith
0:13:40 he was actually very easy going and he
0:13:43 wasn't he if anything
0:13:45 he wasn't some
0:13:47 the hadith
0:13:48 say that he was more easy going than the
0:13:50 people of quraish like people like
0:13:54 some say that he didn't fit into that
0:13:55 category of people that used to try and
0:13:56 dominate his wife and so on he was very
0:13:58 easy going
0:14:00 which by the way flies in the face of
0:14:02 some of the discourses that we're seeing
0:14:04 in these manosphere spaces where they
0:14:06 think that the way to control your woman
0:14:08 and so on is to basically be obnoxious
0:14:11 and overly extroverted and so on there's
0:14:14 a time and a place for everything and
0:14:15 really there's no there's almost no time
0:14:16 in the place for that and the prophet
0:14:18 saw that was not his manage
0:14:20 however he didn't do nothing
0:14:22 he wasn't just taking abuse
0:14:25 he wasn't just uh you know accepting
0:14:28 and i'm not saying that they were even
0:14:29 abusing him quite frankly but he wasn't
0:14:31 accepting these complaints and demands
0:14:33 from his wives
0:14:34 how did he manage
0:14:37 the behavior of his wives
0:14:40 really you can call this anxiety
0:14:42 accrument method
0:14:43 and really in islam this is referred to
0:14:45 as
0:14:48 something
0:14:55 when you say you take an oath that i'm
0:14:57 not going to see my wife for x amount of
0:14:59 time and you have up to four months
0:15:02 and this is the way that you create a
0:15:05 healthy balance in the relationship
0:15:07 because when that anxiety starts to
0:15:08 accrue and it will accrue on both sides
0:15:12 i mean if a man is doing this anxiety
0:15:13 will accrue for him as much as it will
0:15:15 accrue for her
0:15:17 and that in that situation is a useful
0:15:20 moment of reflection
0:15:22 it's a use m useful and it's more useful
0:15:24 than being in a toxic situation in the
0:15:26 household where you're both shouting at
0:15:28 each other and there could be potential
0:15:30 for clash and destruction and fighting
0:15:32 and so on so this was the way
0:15:35 in which through which and by which the
0:15:37 prophet sallallahu decided to deal with
0:15:41 serial complaining
0:15:44 of nine women let's say sorry to say
0:15:46 which were his wives and they did
0:15:48 complain and he didn't just sit there
0:15:50 and take the complaints there's there's
0:15:52 a limit to complaints yes there's a
0:15:54 limit to complaints in islam
0:15:56 but then there's something we we must as
0:16:00 men acknowledge as well
0:16:01 number one
0:16:03 it was very clear that the behavior of
0:16:06 the qurashi woman were sorry the ansari
0:16:08 woman were affected by the korashi woman
0:16:11 oh sorry the opposite yeah so in other
0:16:14 words the fact
0:16:16 that some women can become emboldened by
0:16:18 other women is not something which is
0:16:20 because of the feminist movement this
0:16:22 was happening centuries before feminism
0:16:24 even
0:16:26 was
0:16:27 existed number two
0:16:28 you could even say that there are some
0:16:30 trends some cross-cultural continuities
0:16:34 in female collective temperament
0:16:36 that existed
0:16:38 in such a place of 7th century arabia
0:16:40 which is not explicable by ideological
0:16:43 reductionism
0:16:44 and therefore it's important for us to
0:16:47 realize that not everything is because
0:16:49 of feminism that a woman can be can be
0:16:51 behaving in a certain way
0:16:53 simply because of psychological
0:16:54 temperament
0:16:55 not because she's infected infected
0:16:58 influenced by the feminist
0:17:00 movement or feminist ideology it's not
0:17:03 always the reason so we have to be more
0:17:05 nuanced because if it's the case that
0:17:08 even the highest of women can be
0:17:09 influenced by one another in the
0:17:11 negative
0:17:12 and that that brings them
0:17:15 to act in a behaviorally unacceptable
0:17:17 way
0:17:18 then
0:17:20 or
0:17:20 from logical reasoning and analogy
0:17:23 sorry to say women that are not
0:17:26 their wives prophets are going to act in
0:17:28 a very similar way and that's why the
0:17:29 prophet muhammad he said
0:17:37 a woman is not going to be with you
0:17:39 on one way she's not going to give you
0:17:41 one mood you you'll find
0:17:44 that there is a tempestuous and
0:17:46 tumultuous way through which by which
0:17:48 some women uh interact with their
0:17:51 husbands and that is something we have
0:17:53 to accept because accepting this means
0:17:56 that our expectations will be realistic
0:17:59 you don't get married and think oh she
0:18:01 has to be completely submit there's no
0:18:03 such thing as a totally uh infallible
0:18:06 woman that's going to do everything you
0:18:08 want every time you want however having
0:18:10 said that the prophet didn't just take
0:18:12 sorry to say this behavior
0:18:14 lying down
0:18:16 there was a reaction and what kind of
0:18:17 reaction was it was it shouting and
0:18:19 swearing and pushing and no no no no
0:18:22 it was a reaction whereby it removed
0:18:25 himself from the situation he done this
0:18:27 thing called
0:18:28 which is sanctioned in the quran which
0:18:30 is the right of a man and not the right
0:18:32 of a woman because the man is the kawam
0:18:33 of the woman which means that he has a
0:18:35 certain authority that the woman does
0:18:36 not have a moon
0:18:39 father
0:18:52 that men have a degree of
0:18:54 managerial capability of a woman so
0:18:57 clearly there are some things that are
0:18:58 put in place for the man to be able to
0:19:00 control a otherwise tumultuous situation
0:19:03 and the prophet
0:19:05 opted for that which would
0:19:09 force a person into a state of
0:19:10 reflection
0:19:11 force a person to be grateful force a
0:19:14 person to be uh respectful and then when
0:19:17 he did come back 29 days later
0:19:20 to his wives the situation was amended
0:19:23 so this is the way to deal with the
0:19:25 situation and so we take inspiration
0:19:27 from the prophet muhammad
0:19:29 on how
0:19:31 to manage and mitigate the situation
0:19:34 uh of gender relations with our wives
0:19:38 and uh i'm sorry to say
0:19:41 so too should
0:19:43 the
0:19:44 uh women of today muslim women of today
0:19:46 look at this yet
0:19:48 for a realistic guide yes they made
0:19:50 their mistakes but they come back from
0:19:51 them that's why in the quran it stated
0:19:54 in tatum
0:19:56 that allah had made it easy for you to
0:19:58 do tawba and of course they did make
0:19:59 tawba which means they come back and
0:20:01 they recognize their faults and then
0:20:03 cohesion can happen and stability of
0:20:04 families can happen but so much can be
0:20:08 seen in this hadith by way of gender
0:20:10 relations
0:20:11 in conclusion not everything is related
0:20:13 to feminism sometimes it's to do with
0:20:15 the female collective temperament
0:20:17 and we also as men need to have the
0:20:19 right expectations women need to
0:20:22 also have the right expectations
0:20:24 and that will be that and i thought it
0:20:26 would be very interesting to look at
0:20:27 that uh inject a position with some of
0:20:29 the work that we've already done on
0:20:31 ideology and hopefully that was
0:20:32 beneficial
0:20:35 what if you are dying from
0:20:37 thirst and hunger would you give your
0:20:39 iman up your faith up in order
0:20:42 to survive probably not probably not
0:20:45 because you'd rather die
0:20:47 in hunger and thirst than give up your
0:20:49 religion right
0:20:51 this is how much we value our faith it's
0:20:54 priceless brothers and sisters let me
0:20:56 introduce you to norway this is a
0:20:59 european country where the vast majority
0:21:02 of people have become irreligious there
0:21:04 are 200 000 muslims of a population of
0:21:06 about 5 million and most of these 200
0:21:08 000 muslims have no idea how to explain
0:21:11 islam to their non-muslim friends and
0:21:13 neighbors but that needs to change allah
0:21:16 sent his messenger to call people to
0:21:18 eternal success and that is why muslims
0:21:21 in norway are now establishing a masjid
0:21:24 and dawa center to enhance the norwegian
0:21:26 tawa but they cannot do this alone we
0:21:29 need to support them if you donate to
0:21:31 the schools you will insha allah reap
0:21:33 the rewards of thousands of muslims
0:21:35 coming back to islam and many of those
0:21:38 will become dwight and invite to islam
0:21:41 you will share in the reward for all
0:21:43 those shahadas and good deeds to come
0:21:45 insha'allah so click the link and donate
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