Shubuhat Series #4 - Gender Issues | Mohammed Hijab (2022-06-01) ​

0:00:13 this next episode which is going to be a
0:00:15 very contentious one
0:00:17 not like the other ones haven't been
0:00:19 contentious today we're going to be
0:00:20 talking about a series of different
0:00:22 gender issues and this constitutes
0:00:26 i would say the bulk of misconceptions
0:00:28 about islam many of the or much of the
0:00:31 misconceptions of islam
0:00:34 have got to do with gender
0:00:36 why is it that
0:00:37 you know the husband has certain rights
0:00:39 in islam why is it that a man can marry
0:00:41 more than one wife in islam why is it
0:00:43 that inheritance is differentiated
0:00:45 whatever it may be these are the kinds
0:00:47 of questions that we get
0:00:48 so what we're going to be doing in this
0:00:49 is we're going to be looking at some of
0:00:51 the research modern research
0:00:54 on gender difference that's going to be
0:00:56 the first part of this discussion
0:00:58 because
0:00:59 quite frankly a lot of the reason why
0:01:01 people are even asking these questions
0:01:03 is not just because of feminist ideology
0:01:05 is but why is because
0:01:07 these significant gender differences
0:01:10 between males and females have simply
0:01:12 been under emphasized intentionally
0:01:14 underemphasized
0:01:16 so you'll find that even primary
0:01:17 socialization parents will tell their
0:01:19 children
0:01:20 you know you can for for every daughter
0:01:22 they'll say to them you know you can do
0:01:25 whatever the sun can do kind of these
0:01:26 kinds of notions which are false false
0:01:29 notions it's not it's not true it's not
0:01:31 even uh
0:01:32 research based
0:01:34 uh these kinds of attitudes slogans and
0:01:37 uh notions have been put into the public
0:01:39 imagination for many decades now
0:01:42 and so
0:01:43 one easy way
0:01:45 to kind of combat this is to look at the
0:01:47 research itself
0:01:49 so we're going to be looking at research
0:01:50 today we're going to be looking at
0:01:51 different types of research scientific
0:01:53 research psychological research
0:01:56 and other types of research
0:01:58 and with that information
0:02:00 the group we are is going to
0:02:03 attempt to answer these questions
0:02:06 themselves in other words i'm going to
0:02:08 be giving you
0:02:10 the information the flesh
0:02:12 or the clay and then you're going to
0:02:14 sculpt your own argument
0:02:16 with it
0:02:17 that's going to be the
0:02:19 basic
0:02:20 structure of today's proceedings i'm
0:02:22 going to start with the research and
0:02:24 then we're going to go into
0:02:25 the most contentious topics
0:02:27 relating to
0:02:28 gender in islam pollution being one of
0:02:31 them inheritance being another divorce
0:02:34 being a third and then
0:02:36 being a fourth i think these these four
0:02:38 cover
0:02:40 the most ground
0:02:42 so we'll start with uh differences
0:02:46 as you can see in the first slide we've
0:02:47 covered some of this before in previous
0:02:48 uh sessions
0:02:51 but let's just simply
0:02:53 state the facts
0:02:55 number one scientifically speaking women
0:02:57 have anything between 1 10
0:03:00 to 1 20th the amount of
0:03:02 testosterone in their bodies
0:03:05 as mendel and men do
0:03:07 now
0:03:08 testosterone is a very important
0:03:10 hormone
0:03:12 both men and women have testosterone
0:03:15 it's a very important hormone
0:03:17 it increases one's strength increases
0:03:19 aggressivity
0:03:21 it makes one sometimes more assertive
0:03:24 and it has
0:03:25 different functions but it's banned in
0:03:28 sports for a very good reason it's
0:03:30 because it gives participants an unfair
0:03:32 advantage
0:03:33 it would be almost impossible or absurd
0:03:36 to
0:03:37 postulate that testosterone has no
0:03:40 function in the body and who cares if
0:03:41 men have more
0:03:43 testosterone than
0:03:44 female women
0:03:46 it's it's like it's as if just to argue
0:03:49 well let's put 13 year olds and 17 year
0:03:51 olds
0:03:52 or 10 year olds and 13 14 year olds in a
0:03:56 in a competitive environment
0:03:58 one of the main things which would make
0:04:00 such an environment unequal
0:04:02 is that in the case of the higher teens
0:04:05 they have they are more likely to have
0:04:06 gone through
0:04:07 more transformative puberty
0:04:10 uh so obviously this is something which
0:04:11 is very clear
0:04:13 men have more testosterone in their
0:04:14 bodies than women okay the sure everyone
0:04:17 here knew that already but
0:04:19 below you can see some of the studies
0:04:23 that
0:04:24 make that clear
0:04:26 but it's not just
0:04:28 testosterone it's not just anatomy it's
0:04:30 not just your the size of your bones
0:04:33 bone structure and all these kind of
0:04:34 things
0:04:36 more i would say controversially it's
0:04:38 also cognitive differences
0:04:40 now this is where it becomes really
0:04:42 controversial and some feminists do have
0:04:44 a knee-jerk reaction to this
0:04:47 what do you mean by cognition what is
0:04:49 cognitive why is cognition cognition is
0:04:50 thinking yeah
0:04:52 so
0:04:53 if we say there are cognitive
0:04:54 differences we're saying men think
0:04:55 differently to women
0:04:56 now dianne hepburn who by the way this
0:04:58 is a very interesting story
0:05:00 she herself was a feminist and she in
0:05:03 her
0:05:04 study she mentions
0:05:06 that she was going to prove that the
0:05:08 cognitive differences like she had an
0:05:10 intention to prove that the cognitive
0:05:11 differences between men and women
0:05:13 were not that
0:05:14 sizable
0:05:16 and then when she started doing her
0:05:18 investigation
0:05:19 she
0:05:20 realized the opposite
0:05:22 she realized that there are actual
0:05:23 cognitive differences and she refers to
0:05:25 them as
0:05:26 a sizable difference
0:05:29 and the reason why i like to bring
0:05:31 you know one word phrases is because you
0:05:33 can remember it in discussions for
0:05:34 example if i was formulating this
0:05:36 someone was saying
0:05:38 whatever they're saying so look even men
0:05:40 and women have differences in cognition
0:05:43 and even feminists like diane halpern
0:05:46 who
0:05:48 formulated this stated and i quote that
0:05:51 there are sizable differences
0:05:55 on powerpoints
0:05:57 yeah so because otherwise it's going to
0:05:58 be it's all there
0:06:02 and
0:06:05 interestingly in 2014 there was a
0:06:07 similar study that was done
0:06:09 which found that these cognitive
0:06:11 differences were accentuated at the time
0:06:13 of menstruation
0:06:16 so yeah
0:06:18 interesting
0:06:19 in other words when women women are
0:06:20 menstruating they're less likely to
0:06:22 perform
0:06:24 well cognitively in tasks
0:06:27 whether it's logic logical tasks or
0:06:28 otherwise this is it's all in the data
0:06:30 here
0:06:31 once again someone can
0:06:33 disagree this is another one which we've
0:06:35 mentioned before in this class
0:06:38 i think it's a very important one one
0:06:39 that you should have
0:06:41 the baumeister and cantonese 2001 study
0:06:46 which shows that sexual differences
0:06:47 between men and women
0:06:49 let me just read the abstract
0:06:51 the sex
0:06:52 drive refers to the strength of sexual
0:06:53 motivation across many different studies
0:06:55 and measures men have been shown to have
0:06:57 more frequent and more intense sexual
0:06:59 desires in women
0:07:00 as reflected in spontaneous thoughts
0:07:02 about sex frequency and variety of
0:07:04 sexual fantasies desired frequency of
0:07:06 intercourse desired number of partners
0:07:08 masturbation
0:07:09 lacking for various sexual practices
0:07:11 willing willingness to forgo sex
0:07:14 initiating versus refusing sex etc
0:07:18 okay okay
0:07:19 the next one is
0:07:21 an interesting uh study i'm not sure if
0:07:23 you guys have heard of this that
0:07:25 it's actually been repeated on social
0:07:26 media experiments
0:07:30 and these
0:07:31 like youtubers have done it
0:07:33 you might have seen these videos but
0:07:34 this was actually a staple very
0:07:36 important study that was done in 1989
0:07:39 by um
0:07:42 hatfield i think her name was elaine
0:07:45 hatfield her first name elaine hatfield
0:07:47 in that 1989.
0:07:49 so this is what they've done they went
0:07:50 into these college campuses and they
0:07:52 asked them questions
0:07:53 so it's undercover right
0:07:56 the men would go to the women and they'd
0:07:57 ask them three questions these are the
0:07:59 three questions they would ask
0:08:02 would you go out with me tonight yeah
0:08:04 number one
0:08:05 number two would you come over to my
0:08:07 apartment tonight okay now you know
0:08:09 where this is going the third question
0:08:10 is would you go to bed with me tonight
0:08:15 okay so some men would go to women and
0:08:16 ask them those three questions and women
0:08:18 would go to men and ask them those three
0:08:19 questions
0:08:21 now
0:08:23 let me tell you the results
0:08:27 so men
0:08:32 when men asked women
0:08:34 the day option 56 of women responded
0:08:37 yeah i'll date you no problem it's a
0:08:40 good looking man like me of course i'm
0:08:41 gonna say yes i'm sure i was in the
0:08:42 experiment
0:08:45 six percent of women
0:08:47 said um
0:08:48 to the apartment question replied yes
0:08:51 would you go into the apartment because
0:08:52 it's not saying i won't have intercourse
0:08:53 go to the apartment
0:08:55 and zero percent a staggering zero
0:08:57 percent said no to the sex question
0:08:59 would you want do you want to go to bed
0:09:00 with me tonight
0:09:02 zero percent now look at this with the
0:09:04 men
0:09:05 flip on the menu and this is a
0:09:07 very famous study in 1989 this is the
0:09:08 one they use all the time in psychology
0:09:11 when females ask men
0:09:13 fifty percent of men
0:09:15 listen it's less less less mental when
0:09:17 they say date
0:09:18 less men said yes to the
0:09:20 women i don't know why maybe this was
0:09:23 boring maybe they thought i'm not going
0:09:24 to get anything out of this maybe they
0:09:25 thought i was whatever they thought
0:09:28 as for do you want to go back to the
0:09:29 apartment 69
0:09:32 said yes
0:09:34 compared to six percent of women
0:09:36 that's a huge difference
0:09:38 and listen to this when they said you
0:09:40 want to come to bed with me
0:09:41 zero percent of women 75 percent of men
0:09:44 said yes
0:09:46 75
0:09:48 of men said yes
0:09:52 that's interesting you know why yes
0:09:53 because it shows that for example
0:09:56 that is actually very interesting you
0:09:57 know why because it even answers the
0:09:58 question that when it when they asked
0:10:00 them about would you date me what did my
0:10:02 men
0:10:02 say uh 50 said yes
0:10:05 50
0:10:06 said yes yeah which is less than a woman
0:10:08 which is less than women yeah but it's
0:10:09 very interesting because it shows that
0:10:11 men tend to just want to skip past
0:10:13 dating an apartment and go straight to
0:10:14 the bedroom exactly
0:10:15 that's exactly
0:10:16 the first question of them being lost
0:10:18 that's the conclusion the conclusion is
0:10:19 that
0:10:20 men are not really interested in
0:10:21 relationships as much as women are
0:10:24 but women are not as much interested in
0:10:26 casual sex they call it casual sex as
0:10:28 much as men are that's a fact
0:10:30 now some will say well how comes you're
0:10:32 quoting a study from 1989
0:10:34 i mean this is 32 years ago
0:10:37 it's because ethics committees don't
0:10:39 allow this to happen now you can't do
0:10:41 this now if you you guys are going to
0:10:42 you know some of you most of you have
0:10:43 gone to university or you've seen
0:10:45 studies and so on before they nowadays
0:10:47 everything you want to do if you want to
0:10:48 do a field experiment
0:10:50 you have to do something in ethics you
0:10:52 have to fill out an ethics form
0:10:54 yeah i don't know what they've got
0:10:55 they're cure wreck and this and that i
0:10:56 don't know what they call can't remember
0:10:57 their names now
0:10:59 but now you can't if you try to put this
0:11:01 through an ethics committee they'll say
0:11:02 no in the west that this is
0:11:04 like imagine going and saying you don't
0:11:06 have sex that's sexual harassment they
0:11:07 also say mewtwo movement imagine that
0:11:09 honestly if you think about it they'll
0:11:11 never allow this now that's why it's
0:11:13 been repeated again but it's only been
0:11:14 repeated by youtubers can you see
0:11:17 stereotypes about men and women
0:11:20 are true to some extent i mean
0:11:21 stereotypes are sometimes true this word
0:11:24 stereotypes when i was younger i don't
0:11:25 know about you guys
0:11:26 but they made it seem as if stereotyping
0:11:29 people in general was the worst thing in
0:11:31 the world
0:11:32 but and generalizing when you when you
0:11:34 get into like social sciences they say
0:11:36 this
0:11:37 you know everyone's trying to avoid
0:11:38 generalization however
0:11:41 if you try and eliminate
0:11:42 eliminate
0:11:44 all kinds of generalizations and
0:11:45 continuities then you find it hard to
0:11:47 say anything about anything
0:11:51 and so there are some traits which are
0:11:53 collective and continuous throughout
0:11:55 peoples
0:11:56 and we are seeing these traits
0:11:58 between men and women
0:12:01 the next thing order of business which
0:12:03 i'm sure many of us have spoken about
0:12:05 maybe not on camera or that have
0:12:08 that how conversations have been had by
0:12:11 hypergamy
0:12:13 by hypergamy now
0:12:15 hypergamy
0:12:17 is basically the fact that women
0:12:20 will marry up
0:12:22 marry up what do we mean by murray up
0:12:24 we have to define that we will define
0:12:26 that in more clear detail it could be
0:12:28 economic resource
0:12:30 it could be that the status or whatever
0:12:32 it could be there's many different ways
0:12:33 of understanding
0:12:35 and it's true that that happens
0:12:37 it is true that that happens but it's
0:12:39 not as true
0:12:41 as many in the red pill community make
0:12:43 it out to be and it's not the only
0:12:44 defining thing because nowadays we're
0:12:46 finding the red pill community hypergamy
0:12:48 is like the all defining is the
0:12:50 all-explaining thing yanny
0:12:53 we can't have a one
0:12:57 size fits all policy with this so you
0:12:59 have to be careful there is strong
0:13:00 evidence for it in fact the most
0:13:03 quoted and cited study is by this person
0:13:06 called
0:13:07 kang
0:13:08 kyan
0:13:09 yeah
0:13:10 yeah i'll read some things out from what
0:13:12 they've said okay this is the most cited
0:13:14 study that i've seen about hypergamy
0:13:17 it's their own that's on the powerpoint
0:13:19 are you not on the powerpoint or
0:13:19 whatever yeah
0:13:21 yeah it's just so they're on the
0:13:23 powerpoint it's like people can see our
0:13:24 home you guys can see it so
0:13:27 there's no reason i made a powerpoint on
0:13:29 purpose because i knew this is too much
0:13:30 information
0:13:32 this is what they conclude
0:13:35 between 1980 and 2008 to 2012
0:13:38 educational sorts of mating reversed
0:13:40 from a tendency this is this is
0:13:42 something
0:13:43 interesting and this point here i took i
0:13:44 took it on purpose because this shows
0:13:47 that hypergamy is working in reverse
0:13:49 when it comes to education
0:13:51 so although women marry is true that
0:13:53 women marry men that are more rich than
0:13:55 they are
0:13:57 yeah that's true
0:13:58 it's true cross-culturally as well by
0:14:00 the way
0:14:01 like when a woman are making a decision
0:14:03 of who to marry they will marry someone
0:14:06 who's got resources
0:14:07 that's that's a true statement and some
0:14:10 some i have i don't know where they are
0:14:11 i haven't i've seen some
0:14:13 quotations like hypergamy states that
0:14:15 and this is obviously like exaggeration
0:14:16 but a woman would rather be the tenth
0:14:18 wife
0:14:19 of a king than the first wife of a
0:14:20 pauper
0:14:22 you see
0:14:23 yeah yeah it's true
0:14:25 to some extent
0:14:27 yeah
0:14:28 how do you define hypergamy how are you
0:14:30 defining
0:14:31 so hypergamy can be defined in so
0:14:34 it can be so what you would say is
0:14:35 educational hypergamy for example
0:14:38 me so like when you talk about it would
0:14:40 you always qualify is it educational i
0:14:42 think you should i think we should we
0:14:44 should we should because because the
0:14:46 studies have shown although economic
0:14:48 hypergamy is there's a continuous trend
0:14:50 upwards educational hypergamy from 2008
0:14:52 to 2012 has gone down in other words a
0:14:55 woman doesn't care as much as she used
0:14:57 to in the last four years in the west
0:14:59 let me be very specific if the husband
0:15:01 has less education than her like she for
0:15:03 example if she's got a master's degree
0:15:04 and he's
0:15:05 if she's got a master's and he hasn't
0:15:07 has got a degree for example or he's got
0:15:09 a degree and he has no degree
0:15:11 so before that would have counted for a
0:15:13 lot more
0:15:14 but so long as he's got money she
0:15:15 doesn't really care about that any as
0:15:17 much
0:15:19 yeah what i'm saying now is in the last
0:15:20 four years in the last four five years
0:15:23 they care less about about educational
0:15:26 status
0:15:28 uh you can you can hazard i guess i
0:15:30 don't know why that's happening in the
0:15:31 west maybe it's because people realize
0:15:32 that qualifications don't get you money
0:15:34 maybe this is all to do with this as
0:15:35 simple as that
0:15:36 you know maybe maybe it's because of
0:15:38 another reason maybe it's because she
0:15:40 realizes that
0:15:41 yeah you can come you can come out with
0:15:43 a million uh
0:15:44 reasons but
0:15:45 hypergamy is not one thing and we know
0:15:47 there's something called homogamy as
0:15:48 well homogamy is it's not just a case
0:15:50 that women want to marry someone who is
0:15:52 richer than them
0:15:54 for the most part and obviously
0:15:56 but it's also the case that and
0:15:58 homogeneity can be sometimes even more
0:15:59 powerful than hypergamy
0:16:02 women want to marry someone from their
0:16:03 own bracket from their own community
0:16:05 for example black women like to marry
0:16:07 black men for the most part you see
0:16:09 sometimes i mean you've you've seen
0:16:11 london
0:16:12 how many times we see the opposite a lot
0:16:13 of times like black men with white women
0:16:15 yeah
0:16:16 but why would black women like to go for
0:16:18 black men asian women like to go for
0:16:20 asian men arab women like to go fire men
0:16:24 why women like to go for white men
0:16:26 that is hap that is a fact that
0:16:28 statistically that's true
0:16:30 and sometimes that's encouraged by a
0:16:32 range of societal cultural and tribal uh
0:16:36 reasons sometimes you're not even
0:16:37 allowed to marry us
0:16:40 honestly and there as we know in the
0:16:42 muslim world that's the case we have
0:16:43 some people that you know that would
0:16:45 and then you have racism
0:16:48 so you have sometimes you have racism
0:16:50 within a community which what can be
0:16:52 over or cover which would actually
0:16:55 not allow certain people to marry like
0:16:57 you know my daughter's not going to
0:16:58 marry a black boy or something like that
0:17:00 you know or my
0:17:01 if she's not from my tribe then no
0:17:03 chance you know we have to preserve the
0:17:05 lineage we have to preserve the language
0:17:07 well sometimes you know
0:17:09 the language arguments are not that bad
0:17:10 i mean it's not completely unislamic say
0:17:12 oh i want someone this language i'm not
0:17:14 saying that no one can have these can
0:17:17 whatever but when you're
0:17:19 the racial elements something we have to
0:17:20 work out in the community as well but
0:17:22 that is all of these reasons our reasons
0:17:24 why
0:17:25 um homogamy actually is a very powerful
0:17:27 thing now people talk about hypergamy
0:17:29 and especially when they try and bring
0:17:30 red pill and stuff into the islamic
0:17:32 discourse the problem is is that muslim
0:17:34 women are not even allowed to marry
0:17:36 christian men
0:17:37 and jewish men and
0:17:38 and atheist men
0:17:41 okay which means that if an atheist man
0:17:43 with a million pounds a month that he's
0:17:45 getting
0:17:46 comes and proposes to a muslim woman
0:17:49 and a muslim man who's earning 40 grand
0:17:51 a year proposes to the same muslim then
0:17:53 she's going to choose the muslim man for
0:17:55 the most part i'm not saying there will
0:17:57 not be
0:17:58 people in the community who
0:17:59 will sell whatever they have
0:18:01 of honor in order to
0:18:04 all religion get him to accept islam
0:18:08 yeah but for the most part is you know
0:18:11 i'm let's assume that that's not
0:18:12 happening let's assume that is he's a
0:18:14 atheist and he's happy with his religion
0:18:17 yeah
0:18:18 you see
0:18:19 a lot of women will say i can't
0:18:21 believe you me they will say i can't i
0:18:23 believe this
0:18:24 women are probably more likely to say i
0:18:25 can't
0:18:26 based on the evidence we've just seen
0:18:28 than men are
0:18:31 you'll be very surprised women are very
0:18:32 very like
0:18:34 you know
0:18:35 when it comes to these things in the
0:18:36 muslim women have shown to be very
0:18:38 consistent with within their own muslim
0:18:40 framework we don't really see that many
0:18:43 muslim women going with christian men
0:18:44 you probably can count them the number
0:18:46 on your fingertips for example all with
0:18:48 atheism we don't see it
0:18:51 so homogamy in the muslim community is
0:18:53 probably more
0:18:54 is is more of a defining
0:18:56 thing than hypergamy is however
0:18:59 obviously within the
0:19:00 pool of muslim people
0:19:03 you see
0:19:04 obviously if a woman is presented with
0:19:06 two individuals one of them is very rich
0:19:08 one of them is very poor then we know
0:19:10 where
0:19:11 i mean like unless she's very attracted
0:19:13 to the poor the rich guy or
0:19:16 there are some communities within the
0:19:18 muslim
0:19:19 world
0:19:20 cults and so on which is why cults are
0:19:22 very powerful
0:19:23 the mantra like cold or you know the
0:19:25 brown white coat or something no
0:19:27 honestly they will stick within their
0:19:29 own despite the incentive to do
0:19:30 otherwise because they have to be on my
0:19:32 manage
0:19:33 you know they have to be on my they have
0:19:34 to follow my
0:19:36 that's why this is the incentive of
0:19:38 being in a cult by the way
0:19:39 which is why we have to create one yeah
0:19:47 as an idiot
0:20:01 oh yeah that's right um there's no one's
0:20:02 fasting today right
0:20:04 no one is
0:20:19 there's a lot to talk about as a group
0:20:20 anyway
0:20:21 so we're going to pause here guys
0:20:23 because there's a lot to talk about here
0:20:24 as a group we're going to see what the
0:20:25 relevance of this information is
0:20:27 to what we're going to be speaking about
0:20:28 next and uh the significance of this
0:20:30 information
0:20:32 right so we just had our discussions and
0:20:34 the idea is that when we're going
0:20:36 through these research um different
0:20:38 research
0:20:39 uh material
0:20:42 that we're re realizing that the extent
0:20:44 of the differences between men and women
0:20:46 the questions that us muslims receive in
0:20:48 regards to some
0:20:50 differentiation of
0:20:52 the injunctions between men and women
0:20:54 you start to realize that in fact
0:20:57 these questions are quite absurd
0:20:59 from the first instance because why is
0:21:00 it that we have to justify ourselves
0:21:03 that there are some things in islam that
0:21:06 cater for a woman's need
0:21:08 i thought some things in islam which
0:21:09 cater for a man's need
0:21:12 the islamic laws
0:21:14 cater for the differences
0:21:17 but if the differences are not
0:21:18 emphasized
0:21:20 then
0:21:21 the islamic laws don't seem coherent
0:21:24 so simply by emphasizing the differences
0:21:27 one sees the immediate wisdom of the
0:21:29 islamic laws
0:21:31 one such law is the
0:21:34 premarital law of zina
0:21:37 prohibition of zina or
0:21:39 having intercourse outside of marriage
0:21:43 and in addition to
0:21:45 the
0:21:46 diseases one may pick up from doing that
0:21:48 kind of thing which we're seeing
0:21:50 uh a very high rate in the in the west
0:21:54 there's actual evidence now as well
0:21:56 to show that pre-marital sex
0:22:00 actually increases your rate of divorce
0:22:03 it's good evidence for that i've
0:22:05 shown some references there
0:22:10 if
0:22:11 therefore
0:22:12 one doesn't want to have
0:22:14 divorce in a community
0:22:16 then it makes sense to avoid
0:22:19 premarital sex
0:22:21 why is it i've seen different analyses
0:22:24 as to why people say that that is the
0:22:25 case
0:22:27 some invoke comparison say well because
0:22:29 if you have had many sexual
0:22:32 part especially if a woman has by the
0:22:33 way i mean this is totally exacerbated
0:22:37 with a woman
0:22:39 she's had many sexual partners then
0:22:41 she's less likely to be satisfied
0:22:44 or she's less likely to be happy in a
0:22:45 marriage
0:22:46 or it could be
0:22:48 uh that
0:22:49 having many sexual partners
0:22:52 increases your apathetic attitude
0:22:54 towards human beings in general whatever
0:22:56 it may be we can't really speculate here
0:22:59 it is the case there's a correlation
0:23:00 between pre-marital sex and increased
0:23:04 instability in a
0:23:06 marriage
0:23:08 well of course we've spoken about sex
0:23:09 for a very long time
0:23:11 and
0:23:12 that's not all that there is to
0:23:13 relationship
0:23:14 something which is
0:23:16 equally if not much more
0:23:18 important than sex is love itself
0:23:25 and in fact you'll be surprised because
0:23:27 you think that women fall in love
0:23:28 stronger and all these kind of things
0:23:31 but evidence shows that there's moderate
0:23:33 differences between men and women when
0:23:35 it comes to love so when it comes to
0:23:37 love men and women are pretty
0:23:39 the evidence shows that they're pretty
0:23:41 similar
0:23:42 so a love for a man is not any weaker
0:23:44 than a love for a woman
0:23:46 this is i think one of the
0:23:47 misconceptions then if if the research
0:23:49 shows
0:23:50 that because we we sometimes
0:23:53 we tend to think
0:23:54 that since
0:23:55 men
0:23:56 are the most sexual
0:23:59 and when i say the more sexual i mean
0:24:02 in the ways that the research has
0:24:03 indicated already
0:24:05 frequency
0:24:06 the one for variety sexual variety is a
0:24:08 huge thing
0:24:10 men interested in more different sexual
0:24:12 images and so on
0:24:14 that therefore that must come at the
0:24:16 expense of not being as loving
0:24:19 or able to love but that's not true
0:24:24 because
0:24:25 the research has shown us that actually
0:24:26 both love
0:24:27 very
0:24:29 very diff
0:24:30 similarly in fact in terms of intensity
0:24:35 and some
0:24:36 scholars
0:24:37 some psychologists some like you know
0:24:40 psychology experts
0:24:42 and biologists physiologists
0:24:46 like to separate the different systems
0:24:50 even anthropologists i read with helen
0:24:52 fisher
0:24:54 she did the same thing she's an expert
0:24:55 in love
0:24:58 so they they tend to separate it um
0:25:01 into dopamine systems
0:25:03 serotonin systems and testosterone
0:25:05 systems sometimes oxytocin systems so
0:25:08 they say really what they do is that
0:25:09 you've got different systems in your
0:25:11 body
0:25:13 you've got the dopamine system
0:25:15 and sometimes they put dopamine
0:25:17 and oxytocin together
0:25:20 and then you have you know your
0:25:21 testosterone system
0:25:23 and your serotonin so so the
0:25:26 testosterone system although
0:25:28 sexually it's not just testosterone that
0:25:30 is required in order to
0:25:32 create arousal or sexual to increase the
0:25:35 libido
0:25:36 for man or woman although there is
0:25:38 evidence by the way i've seen
0:25:39 that shows that if a woman increases her
0:25:41 testosterone
0:25:42 she's more likely to increase libido
0:25:44 very interesting
0:25:47 however
0:25:50 there is a point of diminishing returns
0:25:51 as steroid users will know very much
0:25:55 so for example
0:25:56 uh
0:25:57 taking trt testosterone replacement
0:26:00 therapy
0:26:01 may increase your libido but if you take
0:26:03 trembolone or
0:26:05 human growth hormone
0:26:08 that may actually
0:26:09 have an adverse effect
0:26:11 on a man
0:26:12 on a woman i don't know if any studies
0:26:14 have been done but that's in the
0:26:15 industry this is kind of well known like
0:26:18 if you know with one of the side effects
0:26:19 of heavy dose steroid use
0:26:22 is a reversal of sexual libido so
0:26:24 there's a point where diminishing
0:26:26 returns
0:26:27 but the reason why i'm telling you that
0:26:28 is because
0:26:29 you've got this system which is
0:26:30 testosterone system
0:26:32 then you have the dopamine system and
0:26:34 all the oxytocin system
0:26:36 and when you have intercourse
0:26:39 actually
0:26:40 uh your body secretes oxytocin
0:26:43 men and women
0:26:44 which increases the likelihood of pair
0:26:46 bonding and love being connected so the
0:26:48 more you have intercourse with someone
0:26:49 the more
0:26:50 the more likely you are to having to be
0:26:52 in love with them
0:26:55 and many men know that by the way
0:26:57 from experience which is why they choose
0:27:00 the casual sex option
0:27:02 which means that the oxytocin doesn't
0:27:04 build up they can continue just
0:27:07 releasing the testosterone
0:27:09 or the
0:27:10 and not have the
0:27:12 the impact of
0:27:15 you know
0:27:16 being in love and
0:27:17 heartbreak and all this kind of thing
0:27:18 you don't have to deal with that if
0:27:20 you're in a short-term non-committed
0:27:21 relationship just have intercourse they
0:27:23 call it lash and dash or hit and run no
0:27:25 i don't know what they call it nowadays
0:27:29 be in and delete
0:27:31 it
0:27:34 but that's why islam is so
0:27:37 powerful because it stops this kind of
0:27:39 things
0:27:40 by allowing the mind to have
0:27:41 responsibilities
0:27:42 if you want to get into a relationship
0:27:44 either you have these rights that you're
0:27:45 the woman and it's responsibility
0:27:48 and some will say well what about
0:27:50 this idea of arranged marriages
0:27:53 and then there's almost an attack on the
0:27:55 idea that you know
0:27:57 i mean islam doesn't say you have to be
0:27:58 in an arranged marriage obviously some
0:28:00 people that want to get married or go to
0:28:01 there
0:28:02 depends on the community the culture i
0:28:04 mean every muslim community and culture
0:28:06 is not the same
0:28:07 if they live in
0:28:08 i don't know you guys know all than i do
0:28:10 if you're subcontinental bangla
0:28:13 or pakistani i don't know the cousins
0:28:15 will get together and
0:28:16 all they do
0:28:18 when they come together and say this one
0:28:19 is for me or this one or they go to the
0:28:20 mother or whatever
0:28:24 sometimes they do that in egypt as well
0:28:26 but they some they'll find them in the
0:28:29 school or something it's not doesn't
0:28:30 have to be arranged
0:28:32 but it is a common practice nowadays
0:28:34 they're using apps you know stuff like
0:28:35 that you know
0:28:37 but i remember having a conversation
0:28:38 with one of my friends before when i was
0:28:40 working in a place
0:28:42 and he was talking he was like almost
0:28:45 in a pseudo manner mocking the idea of
0:28:47 his
0:28:48 rage marriage
0:28:50 and i was sitting with him on the train
0:28:54 and i looked up and there was a adverb
0:28:56 for
0:28:56 for a company called match
0:28:59 i said
0:29:00 his name was jamie so brother you know
0:29:01 jamie
0:29:02 you know you're talking about arranged
0:29:04 marriage do you want to know arrange
0:29:05 marriages i said look at that over there
0:29:08 i said they're arranging marriages
0:29:10 so you put in your criterion they put in
0:29:12 their criteria and the algorithm
0:29:14 arranges the marriage the only
0:29:15 difference between
0:29:17 you know the islamic system and that
0:29:18 system is that you've got a human being
0:29:20 doing it or you've got an algorithm
0:29:22 doing this
0:29:23 it's an arranged marriage
0:29:25 anyway the idea there's actually a study
0:29:27 that arranged marriage
0:29:30 robert eppstein
0:29:32 and
0:29:34 mansky thakar
0:29:36 okay
0:29:38 and it showed that love
0:29:40 uh in most cases actually increased with
0:29:43 after a marriage even if the person that
0:29:44 loved them before
0:29:47 it's a very important study you know
0:29:49 that in arranged marriages that you
0:29:50 might not love the person in the
0:29:52 beginning of the marriage
0:29:53 but i think 70 to 90 percent i can't
0:29:55 remember exactly the number so i can go
0:29:56 on it
0:29:57 seventy to nine percent of people then
0:29:59 met so you don't start off loving the
0:30:00 person
0:30:02 which is an interesting thing especially
0:30:03 when muslims are looking for marriage
0:30:04 they're saying i don't like them i don't
0:30:06 love them and that could actually even
0:30:07 put them off being married whereas the
0:30:09 evidence shows that you don't need to
0:30:11 start loving them because most people
0:30:13 who don't love their spouses will end up
0:30:15 doing so most people the vast majority
0:30:17 but they probably do that because when
0:30:18 they get into relationships
0:30:21 the expectation is love first so to them
0:30:23 their you know their brain has
0:30:25 registered it begins with love but it
0:30:27 actually ends with love yeah perception
0:30:30 is wrong and the expectation is yeah
0:30:32 it's basically because
0:30:33 and you know it's interesting because
0:30:35 even though these guys are like one of
0:30:36 them is definitely not even robert
0:30:38 epstein
0:30:40 he he was consistently at her own
0:30:41 readiness he was consistently making
0:30:43 comparisons between the western system
0:30:44 of
0:30:46 relationships versus this arranged
0:30:47 marriage system
0:30:49 and
0:30:50 a lot of people have just become the
0:30:52 thing is they're just following the
0:30:53 western system of relationships
0:30:55 so if they're not going to get what the
0:30:56 western
0:30:58 where their western counterpart is going
0:30:59 to get from a relationship
0:31:01 then they feel like they're missing out
0:31:02 in life well the truth is the honest
0:31:05 truth
0:31:07 is
0:31:09 that
0:31:12 the western system is actually a failure
0:31:14 but because it doesn't guarantee any
0:31:16 rights for the people in a committed
0:31:18 relationship so for example you have a
0:31:20 woman in two year three-year
0:31:21 relationship there's no marriage going
0:31:22 on
0:31:23 and there is no firm commitment either
0:31:25 way there's no accountability either way
0:31:28 and there's more it's actually a high
0:31:29 probably a higher chance of heartbreak
0:31:31 because in a marriage there's a much
0:31:33 higher chance because in a marriage
0:31:34 there's a societal consequence for
0:31:37 being divorced
0:31:39 so financially
0:31:41 yeah there's financial issues yeah and
0:31:42 all this kind of so there's a huge
0:31:44 disincentive to
0:31:46 so the western system increases the
0:31:48 chance of heartbreak
0:31:53 but they'll say you're talking about how
0:31:55 braking is over or pollutiony
0:31:58 i'll looked i was i was actually
0:32:00 scouring the internet and the you know
0:32:02 the databases and stuff for
0:32:04 information about polygamy
0:32:06 not in that manner i mean
0:32:11 um information about like the studies
0:32:12 and so on and um
0:32:15 there's there's a bit of a controversy
0:32:18 because the question that the western
0:32:20 man has decided to ask is whether this
0:32:22 is the where we start whether or not
0:32:24 pollution is harmful
0:32:26 so it's the defensive stance
0:32:30 and uh obviously pollution is actually i
0:32:32 think most practice in sub-saharan
0:32:33 africa people have this misconception
0:32:35 that's this practice mostly in
0:32:38 like i don't know saudi arabia or
0:32:39 something it's not it's that's false
0:32:42 qatari women
0:32:44 go and speak to like a native hazard
0:32:45 woman about pollution
0:32:47 and and compare her with a nigerian
0:32:48 woman
0:32:50 when i was in nigeria recently
0:32:52 there were people who were christians in
0:32:53 in fully fledged religious relationship
0:32:56 so much so there's a there's a netflix
0:32:58 show they actually put up recently
0:33:00 yeah it's a comedy movie or something a
0:33:02 nigerian one what's it called it's
0:33:04 called uh
0:33:06 captain
0:33:07 something i can't i don't know what it's
0:33:09 called this is and i do know it's a
0:33:10 nigerian movie but you know it's about
0:33:12 it's about this nigerian guy who died
0:33:14 daddy
0:33:15 something daddy i don't know what his
0:33:17 name is
0:33:18 and he died
0:33:19 and he left behind his rich man
0:33:22 and like all his wives now didn't know
0:33:24 about each other
0:33:26 and they finally find out about each
0:33:27 other and they're all mad and wild and
0:33:29 they're trying to split the inheritance
0:33:30 and those kind of things but he's a
0:33:31 christian man
0:33:32 and i was surprised you know i was
0:33:34 surprised to find in nigeria
0:33:36 that you could even say that that
0:33:38 pollution is not just an islamic
0:33:39 practice you can say so this is nigerian
0:33:41 practice
0:33:42 why are the woman's angry about the fact
0:33:44 that he has another wife or fact that
0:33:45 they're going to share
0:33:47 oh you can you can watch the movie
0:33:50 maybe maybe a bit of both it depends on
0:33:52 what woman it was i guess you know
0:33:55 yeah yeah but you see the point yeah the
0:33:57 point is is that
0:33:59 first of all we have a misconception as
0:34:01 who's practicing this thing in the first
0:34:02 place
0:34:03 so the reason why i mentioned africa is
0:34:05 because actually the most studies that
0:34:06 i've seen have been in africa and so the
0:34:08 one i've put here is about in tanzania
0:34:12 and the conclusion interestingly is that
0:34:13 it's not harmful
0:34:15 no evidence that pollutionist marriage
0:34:16 is harmful
0:34:17 in northern tanzania when we say harm
0:34:20 here we're not we're talking about all
0:34:22 types of harm and they talk about all
0:34:23 types of harm
0:34:24 um
0:34:26 in that study but in particular they
0:34:28 look at like why it's done in the first
0:34:30 place like why
0:34:32 uh there's a necessity for it or there
0:34:34 may be a necessity for why some tribes
0:34:36 do it
0:34:39 another way of assessing the differences
0:34:41 in men or women is through what is
0:34:43 referred to as the big five personality
0:34:45 traits this is quite big in psychology
0:34:48 um
0:34:49 the big five personality traits uh
0:34:52 things like agreeableness trait
0:34:53 conscientiousness neuroticism and so on
0:34:56 uh agreeableness as it says on the tin
0:34:59 is like how much do you agree or
0:35:00 disagree with someone if you agree with
0:35:02 someone all the time trying to avoid
0:35:04 conflict
0:35:05 that can sometimes be a negative thing
0:35:07 basically
0:35:09 especially in the world of negotiating
0:35:11 and business
0:35:12 well
0:35:13 if you're conflict diverse basically
0:35:18 you know it can create problems
0:35:20 and so
0:35:22 when when they did this kind of
0:35:23 cross-cultural studies on the big five
0:35:25 personality traits neuroticism
0:35:28 is the idea that how much
0:35:31 negative feelings do you have
0:35:33 how negative like for example
0:35:35 how likely are you to support to rapport
0:35:39 that you've had a negative like right
0:35:40 now i feel depressed i feel sad i feel
0:35:42 this i feel that like you're just living
0:35:44 in day-to-day existence
0:35:46 and you report the existence of negative
0:35:48 feelings like anxiety or depression
0:35:51 or sadness or whatever
0:35:55 when they looked at all of these things
0:35:56 they found that there are trends which
0:35:58 even cross-cultural trends between men
0:36:00 and women which are different
0:36:01 so with men for example they have they
0:36:03 are more disagreeable than women
0:36:05 and they are less neurotic
0:36:08 you know
0:36:10 conscientiousness is how consider how
0:36:13 much do you consider your own action
0:36:15 trait conscientiousness
0:36:18 uh and so the idea is that
0:36:21 you know the conclusions of these
0:36:22 studies
0:36:24 is that
0:36:25 gender differences this is i'll read the
0:36:27 conclusion of fact this is one of the
0:36:28 biggest studies i've done i've seen
0:36:30 gender differences in personality across
0:36:31 10 aspects of the big five
0:36:33 by examining personality at the level of
0:36:35 10 aspects of the big five we
0:36:36 demonstrated that gender differences in
0:36:38 personality traits are even more
0:36:39 pervasive than typically been reported
0:36:42 so they will probably go into to see
0:36:44 hopefully maybe we'll see minimize the
0:36:46 damage they came and they
0:36:48 found that there's even more differences
0:36:49 than they thought
0:36:52 before and i've put here in addition to
0:36:55 that some of the
0:36:57 some more
0:37:00 studies
0:37:03 for example this study which is done
0:37:04 which is a big study 2001
0:37:07 by paul costa
0:37:10 and robert mcrae
0:37:12 which involved 23 000 individuals it's a
0:37:14 huge study yeah
0:37:16 23 000 men and women from 26 countries
0:37:20 and they all per they filled out
0:37:22 personality questions yeah
0:37:26 and women consistently rated themselves
0:37:28 as being warmer friendlier and more
0:37:30 anxious
0:37:32 and sensitive to their feelings than did
0:37:34 men
0:37:35 there are differences between men and
0:37:36 women right
0:37:38 the men meanwhile consistently rated
0:37:41 personality psychology the woman has
0:37:43 scored higher on average on
0:37:44 agreeableness and neuroticism and the
0:37:47 faster of openness to experience while
0:37:49 men scored higher on one facet of
0:37:51 extroversion
0:37:53 and a different facet of openness to
0:37:55 experience
0:37:57 and there was another study in 2008 with
0:37:59 the same kind of thing
0:38:01 and i've put some some other points
0:38:03 there that there's some other kind of
0:38:04 criticisms and other studies there as
0:38:06 well and this happens with people
0:38:08 children and all the way through to
0:38:09 adults so these are just some of the
0:38:12 studies you have to your disposal
0:38:14 and i want everyone to think about these
0:38:15 studies that we spoke about today and in
0:38:18 the next discussion that we do have
0:38:21 we will now using this information
0:38:23 make our own arguments
0:38:25 on the questions related to
0:38:27 uh polygyny
0:38:29 or
0:38:30 you know a female testimony testimony
0:38:33 like two to one ratio these kind of
0:38:34 things we hear
0:38:37 or
0:38:38 what's the other one you know why man
0:38:40 can divorce with
0:38:42 with a difference in divorce between men
0:38:44 and women
0:38:45 and these things were here
0:38:48 now they have this information
0:38:50 which is the most modern information
0:38:51 that we have
0:38:52 we can do that and obviously i would say
0:38:53 one more thing is that if you do find
0:38:55 any other studies which are important
0:38:57 indeed if you guys do at home as well
0:38:59 then please comment below to let us know
0:39:02 something which is very important very
0:39:03 important study is very important
0:39:05 uh research
0:39:07 that we can use in our argumentation
0:39:08 with that we conclude with salaam
0:39:10 alaikum salahuddin