Pornography and Sexual Impatience (2017-12-01) #

0:00:00 there are a lot of fits and involved in
0:00:04 just having a phone or just having a
0:00:06 laptop or computer or just have an
0:00:08 internet how does one as a Muslim and
0:00:11 especially with this our audience a lot
0:00:13 of our audience are like young Muslim
0:00:14 brothers and sisters and how would one
0:00:16 tackle such means because we can't
0:00:18 remove access to devices in Tunisia it's
0:00:21 not possible anymore
0:00:21 yeah yeah oh you mean one of the biggest
0:00:23 ones obviously corruptive forces like I
0:00:27 would call is its put on graffia viously
0:00:29 like right and this is I mean I think we
0:00:33 can tackle this because I haven't really
0:00:34 spoken at about this topic properly but
0:00:39 I think we can tackle this topic in
0:00:42 different ways you can think of the so
0:00:44 sure the kind yeah you can say social
0:00:47 effects of pornography yeah and you can
0:00:49 also think about the psychological
0:00:50 effects so kind of to
0:00:53 dichotomize it make it into two
0:00:55 different things students wonder what
0:00:57 sorry social psychological so social is
0:01:00 more to do with obviously the collective
0:01:01 society societal unit and then obviously
0:01:03 psychological we mean more about the
0:01:06 individual fine so talking about the
0:01:09 social is interesting because actually
0:01:10 the feminists disagree upon this and
0:01:12 feminist discourse is actually splinted
0:01:15 on this issue and this is actually
0:01:17 referred to as the the feminist sex
0:01:19 rules whereas or some other good names
0:01:22 like this where so basically feminists
0:01:24 are disagreeing whether pornography is a
0:01:26 good thing or a bad thing okay
0:01:28 so some of them obviously have been very
0:01:30 very much against it like Andrea forget
0:01:34 her surname but she's she's a radical
0:01:36 feminist against pornography
0:01:37 yeah she's against pornography she's
0:01:39 written but just as a side note I'm
0:01:40 probably gonna be buying in I like a lot
0:01:42 and like because I love America I think
0:01:45 you overestimate how intelligent we are
0:01:47 and so sometimes where you I want to I
0:01:50 want to bring that on that you're doing
0:01:52 the right so go ahead keep lying so
0:01:54 basically like the question is this what
0:01:57 what is it a bit all about it was there
0:01:58 was another book very very famous quote
0:02:00 pornified written by Pamela Paul okay
0:02:03 yeah Pamela Paul she Robocop bonafide
0:02:05 and basically she although there are
0:02:07 some methodological like limitations of
0:02:10 the book because that she goes into
0:02:11 sociology and stuff basically argument
0:02:13 is
0:02:14 pornography from a social sociological
0:02:15 perspective it links to rape it links to
0:02:19 child abuse and when we say child abuse
0:02:21 we're talking about well under the age
0:02:23 of 18 like maybe we talked about in
0:02:24 five-year-olds for your or things like
0:02:26 that
0:02:26 we're talking about incest like people
0:02:31 become more interested in people in
0:02:33 their own family stuff like that and
0:02:35 we're talking about things
0:02:37 commodification object objectification
0:02:39 of women yeah so that's the argument
0:02:41 that the kind of you could say radical
0:02:43 feminists or other feminists who
0:02:45 disagree on other people aren't just
0:02:46 family less right who disagree with the
0:02:48 idea of pornography or not on a society
0:02:52 level put forward and actually there was
0:02:53 some very compelling evidence to do that
0:02:57 in terms of how much pornography is
0:03:00 actually linked to to these things that
0:03:02 we've just mentioned it is linked quite
0:03:04 quite a lot and actually the FBI the
0:03:08 amount of cases that they've had to deal
0:03:09 with in terms of child pornography and
0:03:12 child abuse in the last 10 to 20 years
0:03:15 has been expert it's been like
0:03:17 exponential comparative to what came
0:03:19 before it so that's there is strong
0:03:21 evidence that actually because of there
0:03:23 is a physiological psychological and
0:03:25 neurological reasoning behind it so when
0:03:28 someone watches pornography obviously
0:03:30 dopamine is is to create from the brain
0:03:32 and this is going more to the
0:03:33 physiological side of it and they want
0:03:35 to see more and more hardcore stuff and
0:03:37 Ashley becomes an addiction and this is
0:03:38 actually something which is in society
0:03:39 well established even the NHS now they
0:03:44 have they've labeled it as a kind of
0:03:47 psychological disorder a sex addiction
0:03:49 and underneath that pornography
0:03:50 addiction we know that yeah I think yeah
0:03:53 yeah they definitely did I just the DSM
0:03:55 have which is the manual the DSM manual
0:03:57 is the psychological manual that they
0:04:00 renew every decade or so in which which
0:04:02 kind of lists all the psychological
0:04:03 disorders and this is one of them
0:04:04 so pornography is a first first and
0:04:07 foremost a social problem because it it
0:04:11 does more against the the cause of women
0:04:13 it degenerates them it commodifies is
0:04:15 that it qualifies them objectifies them
0:04:18 but also here you have the problem of
0:04:20 you have the problem now we're going on
0:04:22 to the second strand of psychological
0:04:24 problem before we go in psychology gear
0:04:26 are you a mention about feminists who
0:04:30 were anti-pornography or they're
0:04:34 feminists who are pro you yeah there are
0:04:36 feminists there basically usually
0:04:37 liberal feminists and they argue that
0:04:39 women kind of easy the argument is that
0:04:40 you can do everyone with your body and
0:04:42 and the woman expressing herself in that
0:04:45 way should be okay but however the
0:04:47 counter-argument to that is that the
0:04:48 liberal premise as per John Stuart
0:04:51 Mill's and harm principle and stuff like
0:04:52 that is that you're free to do everyone
0:04:54 so long as you don't have anyone else
0:04:55 but the then the counter argument would
0:04:57 be that actually the pornography
0:04:58 industry by degenerating women biker
0:05:01 modifying them objectifying them is not
0:05:02 is harming his home and it's because
0:05:05 it's moving in the direction of rape is
0:05:06 moving in the direction of child abuse
0:05:07 and that's where it becomes a very
0:05:09 serious argument because when you're
0:05:10 saying okay actually pornography has the
0:05:13 effect of a human on a human being
0:05:14 whereby they actually need now to enact
0:05:16 some of the things that they're doing
0:05:17 and they want to go more and more
0:05:18 hardcore and there's evidence of this
0:05:20 whereby it's more likely to reach
0:05:22 pedophilic proportions and it goes to
0:05:26 that extent then we say okay well hold
0:05:29 on now because now we're talking about
0:05:30 children's rights and now we're talking
0:05:32 about other women's rights and we're
0:05:33 talking about human trafficking because
0:05:34 actually there's a link between
0:05:35 pornography in human trafficking and and
0:05:38 and it enhances this entitlement within
0:05:40 men because men become much more
0:05:42 entitled when it comes to pornography
0:05:44 and it's like okay they they have this
0:05:47 sensuality now they want to just click a
0:05:50 button and beat it alized
0:05:51 straight away what is a slice mean it
0:05:53 just means stimulated okay fine
0:05:57 stimulated click the bottom beat it lies
0:05:59 and and basically that's the job done so
0:06:02 that gives them a sense of entitlement
0:06:04 and from that perspective now they they
0:06:05 feel like they can go left right and
0:06:07 center telling women to do things for
0:06:09 them as if they have the right to do
0:06:10 that hierarchy yeah so from notes from a
0:06:12 sociological perspective even even an
0:06:14 even a feminist and Arden radical
0:06:17 feminists like Andrea forget her name
0:06:19 and Iommi I forget her surname as well
0:06:22 but that isn't it and obviously Pamela
0:06:24 Paul and others they all would all argue
0:06:26 that basically this is a this is a
0:06:29 social ill which does does anything does
0:06:32 does more to degenerate the case of
0:06:34 women and to put them under the feet of
0:06:38 the patriarch of foot of the man okay
0:06:40 make sense yeah and then there's a
0:06:43 second strand as you're saying of the
0:06:45 kind of psychological basis of so this
0:06:47 is where it gets really really
0:06:48 interesting and I want to connect this
0:06:50 to sexual intercourse actually generally
0:06:52 speaking because it's about tableau
0:06:53 topic that often Muslims will go by
0:06:54 enough frankly I feel like Muslims today
0:06:57 talk about a less than the Muslims of
0:06:58 yesterday in a sense I feel like there's
0:07:00 a lot in the Quran asan about sexual
0:07:02 intercourse law in the scholarly works
0:07:04 about sexual intercourse but for
0:07:06 cultural reasons basically like we've
0:07:08 made it a taboo topic that we don't talk
0:07:09 about anymore what about those who say
0:07:11 that like like obviously we know the
0:07:13 impact the the importance of shyness in
0:07:15 Iman and that's that kind of a topic as
0:07:17 seen as to be like a shy of speaking
0:07:19 yeah okay I'm not saying speak about all
0:07:21 the time in the Quran says let in the
0:07:23 light layer stamen that allah salla does
0:07:25 not it's not shy from the truth okay so
0:07:30 here this is where i feel like sometimes
0:07:32 it is healthy to talk about these things
0:07:34 fine so let me first of all most say
0:07:37 like psychological terms there's a lot
0:07:40 of research that's been done like i
0:07:44 forget the studies now but basically the
0:07:45 studies that show that basically say
0:07:50 before pornography is a psychological
0:07:54 disorder when it's actually an addiction
0:07:56 yeah even when it's not an addiction it
0:07:57 can become an addiction quite easily and
0:07:59 that is because when someone watches
0:08:02 that stuff basically they become more
0:08:03 accustomed to it and it becomes more
0:08:06 normal for them so they're one more of a
0:08:07 kick next time so it becomes more more
0:08:09 hardcore so this dopamine rush that they
0:08:12 keep wanting drives them to watch it
0:08:13 more and more this is linked by many
0:08:16 like for examples we are called ian
0:08:17 Koerner um he links this with things
0:08:21 like bipolar disorder anxiety and
0:08:23 depression okay why because actually
0:08:25 when you a lot of people when they feel
0:08:27 basically sad to put in a simple way
0:08:31 when they feel sad they watch
0:08:32 pornography or they feel lazy
0:08:33 it was probably a little bored they
0:08:35 watch pornography so when they watch
0:08:36 that what happens is that becomes like
0:08:38 their recourse their psychological
0:08:40 recourse so instead of dealing with the
0:08:42 anxiety that they may a pre-existing
0:08:44 anxiety that they may have think of as a
0:08:46 crack when a win-win screen yeah yeah
0:08:48 instead of dealing with it cognitively I
0:08:50 thinking about it they just
0:08:51 retreated as quick solutions so think of
0:08:54 it like comfort food make sense so
0:08:56 someone who's who's got problems on his
0:08:59 hands
0:09:00 who's got things that they've got to do
0:09:01 instead of dealing with those things or
0:09:03 thinking about this problem you think
0:09:04 about solutions cognitive and
0:09:05 psychological solutions they just like
0:09:07 eating chocolate and slightly indulging
0:09:10 an ice cream right from that perspective
0:09:12 all that does is it kind of puts a cover
0:09:14 and artificial cover of the problem so
0:09:16 actually what this does it gives one a
0:09:18 very quick short-term kind of comfort
0:09:22 and that's what that's what pornography
0:09:24 does so give someone very very quick and
0:09:26 when we say very quick by the way there
0:09:28 are statistics tell us how quick he is
0:09:29 so for example there's one sexual
0:09:32 progress website with BuzzFeed that done
0:09:35 like a study using Google Analytics and
0:09:40 they've basically been able to track how
0:09:42 many people go into pornography websites
0:09:43 and they said about 30% in the UK in the
0:09:45 UK and the West generally are women in
0:09:47 Brazil there was a higher number of
0:09:48 women in the Muslim world a bit less
0:09:50 number of women anyways the point is
0:09:52 there's a lot going on pornography the
0:09:54 the topics are another interesting like
0:09:56 what they actually research and that
0:09:58 could be another thing we could talk
0:09:58 about but they go on it and basically
0:10:00 when they go on the pornography website
0:10:01 they spend on average watching a video
0:10:03 about six minutes 67 minutes so think
0:10:06 about think of it this way a person a
0:10:08 consumer goes on the progress a website
0:10:09 for about six to seven minutes because
0:10:11 that's enough to get them to almost
0:10:13 climax right so so they've kind of six
0:10:18 seven minutes on average according to
0:10:19 this kind of thing and then after that
0:10:22 they they climax by masturbating usually
0:10:25 and then after that they feel they feel
0:10:27 a sense of relief now six to seven
0:10:29 minutes of pleasure is not going to coat
0:10:32 your problem in life right it's not
0:10:33 gonna help your anxiety in life this is
0:10:35 actually and what's really ironic about
0:10:37 it and this links to another problem
0:10:38 sociological problem which actually
0:10:40 Anala
0:10:41 you know it's lava has a cure for this
0:10:43 like it really is interesting I was
0:10:46 gonna ask next to be only Sue's gonna be
0:10:47 if there are people who have this
0:10:51 addiction and they want to stop it Sarah
0:10:53 what did I do right okay so let me just
0:10:56 quickly finish of what I was saying
0:10:58 about in the problem so this issue and
0:11:00 by the way it's not just anxiety and
0:11:02 bipolar disorder and depression it also
0:11:04 links to some side
0:11:05 which I'm not sure how reliable they are
0:11:07 but I can look into it which talks about
0:11:09 reducing the size of the brain actually
0:11:11 reduces so watching being a porn addict
0:11:14 reduces the side size of the physical
0:11:16 human brain it has really neurologically
0:11:20 rewires your brain watching porn I
0:11:22 realize it's a serious addiction like
0:11:24 you can be addicted to things that
0:11:25 people don't realize they committed for
0:11:26 example sugar people can be addicted to
0:11:28 sugar even from a secular perspective
0:11:29 here I'm talking from a secular
0:11:30 perspective we know spiritually is Haram
0:11:33 I'm not gonna say this because everyone
0:11:34 knows it like okay it's a program is
0:11:35 Haram of course we know it's prohibited
0:11:37 in Islam for so many reasons right so
0:11:39 that's why I'm not going down that route
0:11:40 because everyone has heard this before
0:11:42 you know even as a Christian you would
0:11:45 have her in the Bible it says that
0:11:46 you're looking at a woman lustfully is
0:11:48 like it's like committing adultery with
0:11:50 her you know Jesus so it's well known
0:11:53 like in religious faiths that this is a
0:11:54 bad is a bad thing right Haram
0:11:55 well-known but he was talking like even
0:11:58 from a secular perspective a porn addict
0:12:00 is a depressed anxious
0:12:02 bipolar disorder like it's possible for
0:12:05 a person to have a Bible is in surah
0:12:07 kind of person he's at risk or she's at
0:12:10 risk so that's the that's the issue and
0:12:13 what is even worse than this is and this
0:12:15 is the Iranian that goes back to
0:12:16 discussion we have about feminism is
0:12:18 that 29% and I'll try get you to study
0:12:22 hopefully on my phone something I might
0:12:23 have a note something wonders listen to
0:12:26 this right 29 percent of women who
0:12:30 report like this sociological studies
0:12:32 done in America and one of the
0:12:33 universities yeah and they said over
0:12:36 seventy five percent of men when they
0:12:38 have sexual intercourse they climax but
0:12:40 basically near the climax yeah and 29
0:12:45 less than 29 percent of women climax one
0:12:47 of the issues is this is because men
0:12:49 remember men other majority consumers of
0:12:52 pornography right so men of the majority
0:12:54 was a problem so for that reason they
0:12:56 used to that instant gratification one
0:12:59 of the side effects of pornography is
0:13:01 that actually hinders someone's sexual
0:13:03 life as we know so this action and there
0:13:05 was a study done by like it is this
0:13:07 thing this is organized to include J AMA
0:13:10 yeah JAMA
0:13:11 I don't know how to pronounce it I have
0:13:13 a gamma or de ma and they said that
0:13:16 basically
0:13:18 that watching photography excessively it
0:13:21 does sexual activity so basically when
0:13:23 you watch more of it you become less
0:13:25 pleasured with sex sex because this is
0:13:28 try of straightforward finding right now
0:13:33 how do you compare this and why am i
0:13:34 mentioning this is really interesting
0:13:35 why because the Prophet Mohammed I said
0:13:38 he actually gave us guidance on how to
0:13:40 have sexual intercourse okay now this
0:13:43 might sound a bit taboo a bit weird a
0:13:45 bit whatever but when you consider the
0:13:48 state of affairs in the Western world
0:13:50 because this these studies are kind of
0:13:51 like a microcosm of the Western world
0:13:53 and I'm not saying that every man can't
0:13:55 satisfied like a jury of men kansai
0:13:57 women in the West because that would be
0:14:00 quite fashionable to say that and I
0:14:01 don't think a small-scale sociological
0:14:03 experiment could prove that but what I
0:14:06 am saying is that there's a stress in
0:14:09 Islam because a lot of people you know
0:14:11 they had these says that if a woman
0:14:13 doesn't give her husband sexual
0:14:15 intercourse that the Angels will cut yes
0:14:17 yes okay a lot of people quote down say
0:14:21 well how comes is not an equivalent for
0:14:22 the women yeah they they have not read
0:14:25 the Islamic corpus because actually
0:14:26 there is so many I had he is talking
0:14:28 about the importance of a man pleasuring
0:14:30 the woman okay so for example like
0:14:34 Muslims are given guidance and it's a
0:14:37 discourse of how to pleasure a woman and
0:14:41 some of the guidance is are mentioned by
0:14:42 bloheim Josiah and his is a book his
0:14:44 code zel mad
0:14:46 obviously he wrote a book would burn
0:14:49 every anyways in Mohammed Aziz
0:14:51 old-school scholar and he based on a
0:14:53 hadith some of the things like for
0:14:55 example and a woman the person is a
0:14:59 hadith which invited by Muslim a
0:15:02 database in various Muslim aphid and
0:15:03 that's a hot no hazama
0:15:05 it says that the proper house is a kanay
0:15:07 a masala say he is to suck please read
0:15:10 what they suck the tongue of Aisha or
0:15:12 Delilah so one of the recommended
0:15:14 practices of a man before engaging in
0:15:16 sexual intercourse of a woman is to kiss
0:15:19 her and to basically use his tongue
0:15:22 while she's doing that and I just might
0:15:24 sound a bit how many times have you
0:15:25 heard that have you heard this never
0:15:26 never okay so but is it important it's
0:15:28 important because actually this is the
0:15:30 rights of women these are right
0:15:31 you know what I mean like you say if if
0:15:33 something is up or if it's part of the
0:15:36 region we should be psyched try to
0:15:36 discuss religion itself right it's it's
0:15:39 just it's definitely actually a taboo
0:15:41 subject it's he's definitely weird but
0:15:45 we look women are being oppressed
0:15:48 seriously I think it's appropriate I
0:15:50 think it's good to try and light on
0:15:52 something right he's I'm sure he's a
0:15:53 situation full of people's I think it's
0:15:55 healthy just have a little jab but I'm
0:15:57 not
0:15:58 jab area which is in Cyprus a Muslim I
0:16:01 think both where the promoter said he
0:16:04 said to jabber why don't you marry why
0:16:06 didn't you marry like a virgin so that
0:16:07 she can play with you and you can play
0:16:08 with her so the idea of playing for play
0:16:13 is really really emphasized in in the
0:16:16 Islamic discourse with women like a man
0:16:18 fought like foreplay
0:16:19 kissing using tongue touching this kind
0:16:22 of thing is very very important it's
0:16:24 from the air dev of Jamel it's really
0:16:27 poor
0:16:27 now the thing is will Prague refer
0:16:29 culture what we've discussed kind of
0:16:30 here like is a man is unable to be
0:16:32 patient right because Robert said that
0:16:34 he's used to instant being tittle eyes
0:16:38 instantly he's used to being show that
0:16:45 right so because of that he's got that
0:16:47 entitlement he just wants to literally
0:16:49 finish the job get that he get he wants
0:16:51 to get pleasure for himself it doesn't
0:16:52 really care he is not concerned with
0:16:55 pleasure for his other half in Islam is
0:16:56 Haram okay and one of the major sin and
0:16:59 what in fact doing that consistently may
0:17:02 give a woman a right to divorce a man
0:17:03 okay so basically what I'm trying to say
0:17:06 long story short is that pornography
0:17:07 actually hinders your psychological
0:17:09 well-being the sociological environment
0:17:10 and your sex life so all the things you
0:17:12 want to get from Sirte from from
0:17:14 pornography you end up getting the
0:17:15 opposite of it right from a secular
0:17:17 perspective we're always in reaching
0:17:18 islamia but I'm saying everything that
0:17:19 you want from pornography it's as simple
0:17:22 as this
0:17:22 everything you're seeking in pornography
0:17:24 you end up getting the opposite of it
0:17:26 you want love you want happiness you
0:17:29 want sexual enjoyment you end up getting
0:17:31 anxiety depression and you end up
0:17:33 getting a lack of enjoyment in your sex
0:17:36 life so that's basically the end of it
0:17:38 so first and foremost if anyone is
0:17:40 trying to stop pornography they have to
0:17:43 be acquainted with those facts and they
0:17:45 have
0:17:45 have real reason right to stop and the
0:17:48 reason must be is that it's bad for my
0:17:49 spiritual life obviously you know why
0:17:51 I'm not gonna tell you why it's better
0:17:52 for a spiritual you guys know why it's
0:17:54 bad for your spiritual life is various
0:17:55 psychological health and spirit of
0:17:57 society that's a good that's a good
0:17:59 enough reason to stop anyone from doing
0:18:01 anything in my opinion
0:18:02 agreed you give me yes and you know what
0:18:05 the solution for it is as in the crime
0:18:07 sudden to burn every is sexual
0:18:09 intercourse now this might sound a bit
0:18:14 what are we talking about fiction to
0:18:15 cover you to this it's not really a
0:18:17 solution as well because I'm not saying
0:18:18 but one of the preventative measures one
0:18:20 of the things that we should be aspiring
0:18:21 for as the problem has a sedative not
0:18:23 best he says yeah my shall have all
0:18:27 young people who can who ever can of you
0:18:29 and everybody said whoever can - the
0:18:31 diamond comb yeah whoever can of you get
0:18:35 married let them get married then a car
0:18:37 in Islamic Tamil in Islamic terms is
0:18:41 actually a very easy you know this is a
0:18:43 very easy thing is ever a process