Reacting to 'Honest Tea Talk' on Marriage, Divorce and Gender Roles (2021-10-23) ​

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0:00:08 [Music]
0:00:23 [Laughter]
0:00:27 and
0:00:28 joining me is the man that's like
0:00:32 saliva please
0:00:34 please
0:00:37 the the daoa machine
0:00:39 the marriage documentary
0:00:46 we haven't done this kind of
0:00:47 collaboration for some time yeah yeah
0:00:49 i've tried to you know this is myself
0:00:51 from you know because the personal
0:00:52 assailant said you know bad friends are
0:00:53 like you know blacksmith you know so
0:00:56 no joking yeah yeah man it's been a long
0:00:58 time we've been chilling out man i think
0:00:59 it's been more relaxed well like
0:01:00 sometimes you get fed up of just filming
0:01:02 filming so we just chilled out but you
0:01:04 know sometimes when important topics
0:01:05 come
0:01:06 and when it pertains to
0:01:08 um the family unit which is already
0:01:10 under attack
0:01:11 i think it's important for us to you
0:01:13 know
0:01:14 jump
0:01:16 head first you know because the
0:01:17 important topic and this is something
0:01:19 that in the next couple of months we're
0:01:20 going to be going straight into as well
0:01:22 um because you know we've got the whole
0:01:24 lgbqt uh we've got gender roles that
0:01:28 we're going to be talking about as well
0:01:29 inshallah so i think it's a serious
0:01:30 topic and i think we've had enough break
0:01:32 chilling out and i think it's time to
0:01:33 get back to business
0:01:38 um yeah so this is what we wanted to
0:01:40 comment on today inshallah is this a
0:01:42 youtube channel which i've been made
0:01:44 aware of called honest tea talks and
0:01:46 actually we welcome it a lot of brothers
0:01:48 we you know we've spoken to
0:01:49 um in different parts of the world
0:01:52 are very much against this kind of thing
0:01:54 where women come out and they and they
0:01:55 bring their own perspective and they
0:01:57 speak on behalf of other women that have
0:01:58 maybe they've been in communication with
0:02:00 you know they come out and they attack
0:02:02 they're very triggered just like the
0:02:03 idea of women coming and speaking on a
0:02:05 public platform yeah from from our kind
0:02:07 of
0:02:08 interactions with people in in the west
0:02:10 et cetera
0:02:11 um all the different countries have been
0:02:13 to a different universities don't you
0:02:14 think it's in the muslim how the common
0:02:16 interest
0:02:17 of the muslim community to have women
0:02:19 actually speak
0:02:20 independently uh in the way that these
0:02:22 women are doing of course man it's
0:02:23 important you know these very people who
0:02:24 come in this whole notion of you know
0:02:26 they shouldn't be there they shouldn't
0:02:28 talk etc you know and then it's the same
0:02:30 people where they're when they're due to
0:02:31 our force in the shadow they might not
0:02:33 listen to us maybe they want to listen
0:02:34 to a sister if they go through other
0:02:36 dilemmas in life what they go through
0:02:38 maybe they want to listen to a co-sister
0:02:39 because they can relate to do you get it
0:02:41 and most of the times if you see i've
0:02:42 incorporated when i'm doing a reaction
0:02:44 video or certain topics pertaining to
0:02:46 sisters i get a sister on board because
0:02:48 i don't know what they go through so
0:02:50 it's important for us to incorporate
0:02:52 this but people who are living in a box
0:02:53 don't realize that when their kids go
0:02:55 through this and you limit them to a
0:02:57 certain point some of them end up
0:02:58 leaving the deen because of this
0:02:59 attitude you know so we appreciate and
0:03:01 value
0:03:02 sisters like themselves you know
0:03:04 honestly talk it's good
0:03:05 but also we need to also keep each other
0:03:08 in check you know it's the same goes
0:03:09 with me to you you to me
0:03:12 to you
0:03:14 yeah no we have to because if we don't
0:03:16 keep
0:03:17 each other in check you know then we're
0:03:18 going to go straight like you know the
0:03:20 the people in the past have gone astray
0:03:22 it's important and this is what this
0:03:23 deen upholds in joining good and
0:03:25 forbidden evil it's fundamental only
0:03:27 above the exact men and the believing
0:03:29 women yes both of them are allies to one
0:03:31 another exactly before we get to some
0:03:33 points of correction that we want to
0:03:34 kind of address in this video and and
0:03:36 constructive criticism quite frankly on
0:03:38 on
0:03:39 some of the content that we've we've
0:03:40 witnessed
0:03:41 we want to say that actually
0:03:43 one of the most controversial videos
0:03:45 that they've made in terms of
0:03:47 public controversy it's been one that
0:03:49 basically they were coming out and
0:03:50 talking about women's sexual rights like
0:03:52 intimate rights and stuff it got a lot
0:03:53 of views a lot of people were very upset
0:03:55 at the fact that women were saying like
0:03:56 you know there's an issue in the
0:03:58 community where men are not
0:04:01 sexually pleasing uh women basically
0:04:03 like they have a laissez-faire attitude
0:04:05 or
0:04:06 you know a non-existent
0:04:08 drive when it comes to women sexuality
0:04:09 and stuff like that i personally didn't
0:04:11 find that much controversy in that
0:04:12 message at all yeah do you see this
0:04:14 problem i mean if we have a problem with
0:04:15 that then we shall have a problem with
0:04:16 the answer woman who came to the process
0:04:18 you know and and aisha and i said you
0:04:20 know may i'll have mercy on them and
0:04:21 said a woman you know when it comes to
0:04:22 these matters they're up front you know
0:04:24 and obviously there's an
0:04:26 adab about how you address it and i
0:04:28 don't believe they
0:04:30 cross those limits from what i remember
0:04:31 maybe they might have been one occasion
0:04:33 something was said i can't remember but
0:04:35 other than that other than that bro who
0:04:37 are we to talk about modesty brother
0:04:40 you know and also for those that have an
0:04:42 issue like brothers like why are you
0:04:44 even watching that yeah yeah i mean to
0:04:46 be fair didn't even go into x-rated
0:04:47 stuff they didn't go into i mean there's
0:04:49 more to be said by way by way of
0:04:51 discussion and things that men should
0:04:54 give women sexually and women vice versa
0:04:56 like you can actually you can go more
0:04:58 into detail but we won't be doing that
0:05:00 today maybe that's another video for
0:05:02 another day what we will be doing today
0:05:03 insha'allah though is we're looking at
0:05:05 some of the things that have been
0:05:06 happening in this or some things that
0:05:08 have been said and let me be
0:05:09 straightforward and say
0:05:11 there are some things which are missing
0:05:12 in the content and i'll tell you what i
0:05:14 think the number one thing which is
0:05:15 missing in this kind of content is
0:05:17 is reference to the religion direct
0:05:19 reference like okay so for example
0:05:22 you know i've watched a few of the
0:05:23 episodes now right
0:05:24 divorce is one of them divorce is a very
0:05:26 complicated topic
0:05:28 very complicated and a very dangerous
0:05:29 it's a live wire
0:05:31 and i personally believe that if you
0:05:32 want if we wanted to speak about divorce
0:05:34 we'd have to do extensive shoulder with
0:05:36 people like scholars and stuff like that
0:05:38 and vet it and stuff like that because
0:05:40 if you give wrong advice when it comes
0:05:43 to divorce it can literally ruin
0:05:46 lives it's dangerous but i'll be honest
0:05:48 with you i don't think there would be a
0:05:50 point where we could ever talk about
0:05:52 divorce look when i go to shaykh and
0:05:53 people of knowledge like that bro when
0:05:55 we go to him and ask about you know
0:05:56 there's this prophet going through this
0:05:58 the first thing says to me is bring that
0:06:00 brother to me exactly and he'll bring
0:06:02 his wife to me he's not going to come
0:06:03 and say ali go tell the brother
0:06:19 or something has happened that's just
0:06:20 created a massive wedge they've tried
0:06:23 they've done all that they can to
0:06:25 improve their marriage it's just not
0:06:26 happening
0:06:28 and yet they have a
0:06:30 level of care
0:06:32 and love maybe not in love but a level
0:06:35 of care and love for each other
0:06:37 is divorced the right option in that
0:06:39 case
0:06:42 it's a personal choice but it sounds
0:06:44 like yes like it
0:06:46 it can't you know if that's a rare model
0:06:49 i think a lot of times when you see a
0:06:52 marriage coming to the point where
0:06:53 people are thinking about divorce it's a
0:06:56 hostile environment and it's it's not
0:06:58 it's not usually amicable and
0:07:00 everybody's i'm sure they've processed
0:07:02 their i see different so many of the
0:07:04 cases that i know
0:07:06 i see people maybe you're looking at it
0:07:08 from the loveless marriage perspective
0:07:10 like they've grown to this point but
0:07:12 when i see divorce coming up it's
0:07:14 usually in a hostile
0:07:16 setting it's it's in a chaotic hostile
0:07:19 setting like things have erupted and now
0:07:22 divorce looks like let's just end this i
0:07:24 see i see both i see both i'm
0:07:26 encountering both yeah i'm encountering
0:07:29 um sisters who are just empty
0:07:33 their husbands are good men
0:07:36 um but they're just empty and they crave
0:07:39 connection
0:07:40 um
0:07:42 and they just say they're really just
0:07:43 running on empty i don't know how long
0:07:45 they can continue like this for so it's
0:07:47 for them i think sometimes that's a a
0:07:50 deeper predicament because he's not
0:07:53 abusing me
0:07:55 you know he's actually good to me
0:07:58 um
0:07:59 but it's i'm potentially choosing by
0:08:02 saying i'm potentially choosing
0:08:04 a completely loveless and sometimes even
0:08:07 sexless
0:08:08 marriage
0:08:09 yes
0:08:11 so can you see here when when he asked
0:08:14 the somali sister sorry i don't know her
0:08:15 name yeah
0:08:16 when he asked the somali sister she said
0:08:19 it's a personal choice but yes yeah
0:08:21 now for me that's too nonchalant yeah
0:08:24 and it's quite frankly it's damaging
0:08:26 it's dangerous too ambiguous as well
0:08:28 what do you mean by like um like divorce
0:08:31 in what
0:08:32 because you need to understand something
0:08:34 yeah these issues are deep issues and
0:08:36 it's it's and these issues get a lot of
0:08:38 views because a lot of people are going
0:08:40 through it yeah it's not islam q a
0:08:42 saying for example somebody mentions i'm
0:08:44 going through this
0:08:45 yeah okay in this situation
0:08:47 he says maybe it might be best to
0:08:49 divorce i doubt they would ever say that
0:08:50 and then you have a wonder general mass
0:08:54 and writing i'm having a problem shall i
0:08:55 divorce and that comes up and they're
0:08:56 like
0:08:57 yeah and then and then they apply it to
0:08:59 their self that's dangerous that fatwa
0:09:01 is specific to a specific individual
0:09:04 like i think it was
0:09:05 somebody came to him and said
0:09:07 if i kill someone would i be forgiven
0:09:09 and he said you'll never be forgiven
0:09:11 and then another person came same
0:09:12 question he said will that be forgiven
0:09:14 he said you'll be forgiven
0:09:16 people around you what you're saying is
0:09:17 that for for
0:09:18 for each individual yes because the
0:09:20 reason is they asked him they said why
0:09:21 did you say to one he won't be forgiven
0:09:23 and to the other you would he said the
0:09:24 first one i saw he is about to kill
0:09:26 and the second one had already killed
0:09:28 he's looking for mercy so do you see how
0:09:30 they differentiated between giving their
0:09:31 ruling to two separate individuals well
0:09:34 the famous examples were the prophet
0:09:36 were about kissing the
0:09:38 older man
0:09:40 and the younger man he allowed it the
0:09:42 point of the matter is it's the divorce
0:09:44 should not be spoken is it okay to
0:09:46 divorce it's not okay first of all we
0:09:47 have to appreciate something there's
0:09:49 different models of divorce yes like a
0:09:52 woman what can she do is different to
0:09:53 what a man can do yes i know that it's
0:09:56 such a very straightforward thing to say
0:09:57 but that's not fleshed out in this video
0:09:59 what a woman can do is hola she can do
0:10:02 faceha okay she can ask the man for hola
0:10:05 yeah so the man gives it he grants it to
0:10:07 her and what hola is different to talaq
0:10:09 according to some some is actually the
0:10:10 same all of these are very important
0:10:12 details in it how does hola
0:10:14 differentiate from a talaq if it is in
0:10:16 fact the opinion you follow or what what
0:10:19 has to happen et cetera
0:10:21 the point is if if you if you give women
0:10:24 or
0:10:25 people the ammunition to just go
0:10:26 actually women in this case yeah to
0:10:28 their husbands and say i want a divorce
0:10:29 because i'm not i'm not in love with you
0:10:30 no more you could actually be pushing
0:10:32 them to do a major sin because that
0:10:34 might not be
0:10:35 that might not be a valid reasoning now
0:10:38 there's a difference between repugnance
0:10:40 or
0:10:40 because when when the woman came to the
0:10:42 prophet muhammed
0:10:44 in bukhari
0:10:54 between them this is repugnance this is
0:10:56 not it's not the same as not having the
0:10:58 love that they're talking about whatever
0:11:00 that may mean by the way and that's
0:11:01 that's a sliding scale so if someone is
0:11:04 is put like disgusted by their husband
0:11:07 okay
0:11:07 that's com that's a different kind of
0:11:09 fish to someone who is
0:11:11 falling out of love with the same
0:11:13 passion what about if the man is not
0:11:15 having intimacy with you now that's
0:11:16 that's a good point because she
0:11:17 mentioned that at the end because i
0:11:19 believe she conflates yeah
0:11:21 yeah no no the first question was
0:11:22 different to the second because
0:11:24 the second part of what she said was it
0:11:26 could be a second sexless marriage but
0:11:27 that sexless marriage could be coming
0:11:29 from the woman because she don't have
0:11:30 sex with a man or i'm assuming that's
0:11:32 what she means but if she means that the
0:11:34 man is not giving herself
0:11:36 that's a separate issue of inquiry but
0:11:38 even then bro do you not think they're
0:11:39 complaining
0:11:40 they're confusing two things there which
0:11:42 is dangerous because first she said what
0:11:44 um
0:11:45 look look this is very important bro
0:11:47 yeah he's a good guy
0:11:48 yeah there's an abuser kids his kids
0:11:51 one second one second that sounds like a
0:11:52 good guy to me yeah but and she's keep
0:11:55 talking about a woman being empty empty
0:11:57 on what what are you trying because what
0:11:59 do you mean by that i'm asking the
0:12:00 sister because then you added no sex
0:12:03 let's take the no 6 out of the picture
0:12:04 because there might be a person
0:12:06 there might be a young sister watching
0:12:07 this video yeah and be like
0:12:09 no he does have intimacy with me he's
0:12:11 actually a good guy he's everything you
0:12:12 just said but i don't feel i'm not
0:12:14 feeling empty yeah you've just given
0:12:16 them an advice of divorce yeah you've
0:12:17 basically said you're empty you
0:12:19 shouldn't be feeling empty how do you
0:12:20 define this empty no no they need to be
0:12:22 careful with this they're very dangerous
0:12:25 and this is something like would you
0:12:26 respect if that's what they're saying
0:12:28 publicly i'm worried to know what they
0:12:30 would be saying privately if if people
0:12:31 are coming to that because you have no
0:12:33 right let me just make this very clear
0:12:34 you have no right to advise any woman of
0:12:37 divorce unless you've heard two sides of
0:12:39 the story and you are qualified to be
0:12:42 able to make such a judgment i don't
0:12:43 have a right and you don't have a right
0:12:44 to do that if if the case is simple and
0:12:47 straightforward
0:12:49 yeah where the man is you know he's
0:12:50 putting her through this and that and
0:12:52 her life is on the line that's different
0:12:54 we're not talking about this yes we're
0:12:55 talking about very ambiguous cases right
0:12:57 now you have no right to advise any
0:12:59 woman at any point yeah when you have
0:13:00 not heard two sides of this that's why
0:13:02 in khabar yeah it might have to do with
0:13:04 judgment yeah yeah they'll bring both if
0:13:07 they know what they're doing yeah
0:13:08 they'll bring both parties in and
0:13:10 they'll hear both sides yes
0:13:11 they have to do that you have to and
0:13:13 they have to know what they see the kids
0:13:14 what the situation with the kids because
0:13:15 you could be breaking homes you think
0:13:17 you're making things better but you're
0:13:18 not you're making things worse you are
0:13:20 making things worse and and then that
0:13:22 will be on your skills on the day of
0:13:24 judgement exactly you know we need to be
0:13:25 very careful i want to be careful
0:13:27 hate them
0:13:28 says look sometimes sisters come and
0:13:30 they're crying we're human beings when
0:13:31 we see individuals crying we sympathize
0:13:34 that's right but until we go sometimes
0:13:35 i'm not just saying this only happens
0:13:36 with sister's side sometimes it's the
0:13:38 man but he goes once we come and speak
0:13:39 to the husband
0:13:41 it's a whole dif like it's like yes it's
0:13:43 slightly different it's that green color
0:13:46 and it's like totally the total opposite
0:13:48 that's right and they're like oh come on
0:13:49 i want to move on to the next video
0:13:50 because there's more things going sorry
0:13:52 that's there's more there's more issues
0:13:54 here with with some of the content
0:13:56 but what the content is missing as i say
0:13:58 is quran
0:13:59 like you you can go through the whole
0:14:01 video yeah and once again we're
0:14:02 constructively criticizing and no would
0:14:05 you respect no chivalry effect is going
0:14:06 to stop us from doing it because you
0:14:07 deserve the peer review
0:14:09 that we all get yeah and this is peer
0:14:11 review you've got to think of it like
0:14:12 that and it's if these peer review
0:14:14 systems didn't were not in place the
0:14:15 muslim ummah would be
0:14:17 uh
0:14:18 would have a bad service
0:14:20 at the end of the day yeah of course we
0:14:21 do too
0:14:22 by everyone public and private yeah
0:14:24 exactly so this is just consider this
0:14:25 constructive critic we're not saying and
0:14:27 just to be clear again that therefore
0:14:29 let's cancel them therefore they don't
0:14:30 know what they're talking about
0:14:31 therefore the ignorant we're saying that
0:14:32 you're doing a good job masha allah but
0:14:34 just on these points please bear in mind
0:14:37 that you need to change some of the
0:14:38 parlance here's what i would say the
0:14:40 first let's summarize each thing as we
0:14:41 go along here first thing when it comes
0:14:43 to divorce when it comes to issues with
0:14:45 khabar or judgement
0:14:47 keep out of it
0:14:48 keep out of it unless and only unless
0:14:51 you have someone who is extremely well
0:14:53 qualified
0:14:54 a woman let's say if you want to keep it
0:14:56 all woman that's fine but she's
0:14:57 extremely she's she's a well-known uh
0:15:00 taliba
0:15:01 or sheikha or something you bring her
0:15:03 and she speaks with the authority that
0:15:04 she has but if you just lay people
0:15:06 speaking about divorce and issues that
0:15:08 can break families this will do more
0:15:10 than good second thing here is this i
0:15:11 was watching uh think gender roles in
0:15:13 the community yeah yeah now i watched
0:15:16 this particular video for another
0:15:17 purpose
0:15:18 obviously our email is a dollar remit we
0:15:20 have a completely different room for
0:15:21 them
0:15:22 is more pastoral so they're dealing with
0:15:24 women's issues and these kind of things
0:15:26 but there is a significant intersection
0:15:28 right
0:15:29 so there are things which we do and they
0:15:31 do which intersect
0:15:33 and and this is one of them so she this
0:15:34 is one of the things that she said
0:15:35 gender roles in the community so we're
0:15:37 talking about generals between men and
0:15:38 women i can't let obviously you can't
0:15:41 watch the whole thing i can't watch the
0:15:42 whole thing
0:15:43 but let me tell you one thing that was
0:15:45 not mentioned in the entire video the
0:15:46 entire video
0:15:48 however was not mentioned
0:15:50 was not mentioned which is the male
0:15:51 responsibility or
0:15:53 the ability for him to have uh
0:15:55 one degree yeah that he's a maintainer
0:15:57 of the protector
0:15:58 the hierarchical hierarchical uh
0:16:02 uh superiority that a man has over a
0:16:04 husband have a wife that's not mentioned
0:16:06 that's that is the elephant in the room
0:16:07 that's what makes
0:16:09 a traditionalist complementarian system
0:16:11 of marriage different from an
0:16:12 egalitarian system so if you're going to
0:16:14 do a video of gender roles you have to
0:16:16 define what the gender roles are in the
0:16:17 first place
0:16:18 yeah we haven't even defined what gender
0:16:20 roles are and worse yet worse yet quite
0:16:22 frankly
0:16:24 you start to mix liberal ideas with
0:16:26 islamic ideas let's let's listen to what
0:16:29 we're talking about here
0:16:30 and if you think about it subhanallah
0:16:32 when you look at different couples
0:16:34 allah pairs someone with what they need
0:16:37 with who they need so you have a strong
0:16:40 powerful woman who's active who's maybe
0:16:42 running a business who has a career the
0:16:44 man is more mellow
0:16:46 when you have a man that is out there
0:16:48 yeah he's in the tower he's you know
0:16:50 he's working he's busy busy busy you've
0:16:53 got a woman who is holding down the
0:16:55 floor
0:16:59 listen listen listen
0:17:01 i mean that was your second name quite
0:17:02 quite
0:17:03 anyways let's get to the point let's see
0:17:04 they're using my name
0:17:06 the strong powerful woman
0:17:08 once again you have to look at the
0:17:10 language yeah the strong powerful woman
0:17:11 that's running her own business
0:17:13 all these kinds of things that she's
0:17:14 doing strong why is strong and powerful
0:17:16 correlated with capitalistic success
0:17:19 yeah exactly in this whole video
0:17:21 seldomly do they do they mention exactly
0:17:23 what the traditional roles are
0:17:25 there is no clear definition of it
0:17:27 and in fact i don't think they've ever
0:17:30 mentioned and someone can correct me if
0:17:32 i'm wrong
0:17:33 uh concepts of tar concepts of kawama
0:17:36 they've cleanly mentioned it clearly
0:17:39 delineated it what is it it's the
0:17:40 equivalent of men not telling men other
0:17:43 men what their responsibilities are in
0:17:45 islam if you want to help women in the
0:17:47 community you need to tell them what
0:17:48 their responsibilities are
0:17:50 actually telling them only what their
0:17:52 rights are yeah what
0:17:54 will arm them to make their homes
0:17:57 more hostile places because they're now
0:17:59 stocked up with all these things about
0:18:00 okay what we need to get what what
0:18:02 what's best for me i have to be i have
0:18:04 to be a career woman i have to do this i
0:18:06 have to do that where are these coming
0:18:07 from yeah no one's saying muslim woman
0:18:09 can't work but the terminologies you're
0:18:11 using are very similar to what the
0:18:12 liberals talk about day in and day out
0:18:14 what we're saying is that these are
0:18:16 dangerous because we know the study done
0:18:19 over 20 years
0:18:21 over a hundred thousand women
0:18:23 are women more happier hmm no they're
0:18:25 not there
0:18:27 talking about blanche flower in oswald
0:18:28 you know the the hundred thousand people
0:18:30 how long did this study for 20 years
0:18:32 yeah 20 years 100 000 women we're not
0:18:34 talking a hundred a thousand one hundred
0:18:36 thousand women and women are less and
0:18:39 less happier yeah and we'll put the link
0:18:41 to the on the description let's happy
0:18:42 after the after second world sorry after
0:18:44 the second uh wave of feminism after all
0:18:46 the implementations of the the point is
0:18:48 is that we need to be clear that there
0:18:51 is in fact there are gender roles in
0:18:53 islam and those gender roles do mean
0:18:55 that the men uh ideally will be i'm not
0:18:58 saying always what is wrong with that
0:19:00 breadwinners
0:19:01 what is wrong with the how what because
0:19:03 whatever define it let's say no bro the
0:19:05 studies show it jordan peterson has one
0:19:07 of the reasons he's blown up is because
0:19:08 he states this fact he talks about for
0:19:10 example when
0:19:11 women who are working in the you know in
0:19:13 these
0:19:15 whatever um sectors it might be that
0:19:18 they when it comes to their 30s 40s
0:19:21 they're leaving their jobs
0:19:22 they're leaving their jobs because
0:19:23 they're realizing that they're putting
0:19:25 in 60 70 hours work
0:19:27 and and they're looking at their life
0:19:29 and there's nothing to account for you
0:19:30 are preparing yourself to a lonely death
0:19:33 you've reached the age of 30 to 40
0:19:35 you're a career woman who's got a lot of
0:19:37 money in their bank and you've got no
0:19:38 man that wants to marry you
0:19:40 and you and and let's talk about
0:19:42 biologically can you have children no so
0:19:45 the thing is why are we propagating a
0:19:46 failed system where studies show that
0:19:48 women are less happier that's true it's
0:19:50 true it's dangerous and i'm not saying
0:19:52 that there's fully probably getting
0:19:53 there but you've got to be clear about
0:19:54 what the islamic ideal is yeah because
0:19:56 if you're going to do a whole video
0:19:58 about gender roles and not mention one
0:19:59 quranic verse one hadith or one color
0:20:01 any islam and then at the end of it
0:20:03 refer to women that start their own
0:20:05 business and do well in the workplace or
0:20:07 are public figures whatever it may be as
0:20:09 strong
0:20:10 the an implication that could be taken
0:20:12 from that is or the influence that can
0:20:13 be taken from that at least in the
0:20:14 subtext of that speech is that strong
0:20:16 women are those women that the liberals
0:20:18 are defining not or the liberal feminist
0:20:20 side of finding exactly you know
0:20:21 basically put it this way put it this
0:20:22 way if you watch that whole gender video
0:20:25 that they made it's not incompatible
0:20:26 with feminism
0:20:28 it's not yet it's not incompatible with
0:20:29 feminism i don't think like
0:20:31 a second way feminist will look at it
0:20:33 and probably not disagree with most of
0:20:34 what is being said yeah if if they're
0:20:36 liberal enough to different cultures
0:20:38 they won't disagree with also
0:20:40 in order for us to really know once
0:20:42 again if we want islamic solutions for
0:20:44 muslim problems we have to bring the
0:20:45 quran
0:20:47 simple as that really if you're if you
0:20:49 want to give islamic solutions for
0:20:50 muslim problems bring the quran and the
0:20:52 sunnah tell them of the ayat and the
0:20:54 hadith and the quran otherwise it's to
0:20:57 be honest with you it's uh it will be
0:20:59 just opinion forget this a super
0:21:01 powerful career well forget that okay
0:21:02 yeah yeah why don't we why don't our
0:21:04 sisters are doing this honestly talk
0:21:06 yeah and it's honestly they're being
0:21:08 honest about it here they should be
0:21:10 grilling brothers and saying you sisters
0:21:12 you go to your husbands you're the
0:21:14 maintainer and the protector of the
0:21:16 house go out and work empower them by
0:21:19 them they might be doing that no no no
0:21:21 they should not i've seen i haven't seen
0:21:23 a video of them
0:21:24 incorporating that bro they should
0:21:26 incorporate that and talk to sisters and
0:21:28 tell them you tell your husband you're
0:21:29 the maintainer protector i accept that
0:21:31 and this is what allah legislated go out
0:21:33 and work you might find segments of them
0:21:35 saying that remember
0:21:36 i hope yeah yeah let's let's see this
0:21:38 bit here
0:21:40 this is
0:21:41 you're talking about dying alone and
0:21:42 living is that we do understand like
0:21:43 kevin bloody samuels nobody's true but
0:21:46 this is one thing that i was i was
0:21:47 watching how to find a husband yeah yeah
0:21:49 so listen to this bit i found it quite
0:21:51 unusual to be honest this is quite
0:21:53 unusual really
0:21:54 uh
0:21:56 build upon their confidence and to know
0:21:59 exactly what they will and won't accept
0:22:02 and to journey
0:22:04 through the uh um
0:22:07 the looking stage with allah knowing
0:22:10 that allah will give them
0:22:12 what they need and what they deserve
0:22:15 when you know divorced women are not
0:22:18 second-class citizens just because they
0:22:21 were divorced i mean if you look at the
0:22:22 time
0:22:23 of the prophet saw islam how many of us
0:22:25 have yet to divorcees widows
0:22:28 and and the sahaba rush to marry them
0:22:31 subhanallah so even the prophet
0:22:33 and the prophet himself yes so it's so
0:22:36 so important that i think for for
0:22:38 divorce sisters
0:22:40 that they
0:22:41 that they come to
0:22:43 the brother who's already married who's
0:22:45 looking for a second wife why is it the
0:22:47 assumption
0:22:48 that because you're divorced that you
0:22:50 that you that necessarily your
0:22:52 preference is polygamy i mean it may be
0:22:54 for some women it may not be but it's
0:22:56 almost as though i see
0:22:59 and you know i don't know if you see
0:23:00 this too that for divorce sisters
0:23:03 there's a narrative that's kind of
0:23:04 shoved down their throats that okay
0:23:07 because you're divorced you need to
0:23:09 lower your standards
0:23:11 you need to accept
0:23:13 anyone that's going to take you because
0:23:15 you have kids because who's going to
0:23:16 marry a sister with fortune and you
0:23:18 should be grateful that anyone wants to
0:23:20 marry you right and and i
0:23:23 am totally against this
0:23:25 i am totally against this i think it's
0:23:28 really really important never mind there
0:23:30 so
0:23:32 polygyny is an institution in islam they
0:23:34 know it they've done a video on it yeah
0:23:36 which was a biased video which which
0:23:37 itself requires discussion but we don't
0:23:40 have time for it today yeah but
0:23:41 basically that video they've done and it
0:23:43 was just prioritizing
0:23:44 uh the trauma of the first wife not
0:23:47 putting the second wife in the equation
0:23:48 at all almost her trauma or the or the
0:23:51 the kids
0:23:53 maybe the kids are there or even the
0:23:55 yani it was it was a biased video and in
0:23:57 fact they should they should title that
0:23:58 video the dysfunctionalities of
0:24:01 polygeny and implementation not polygamy
0:24:03 as they have yeah but put that to the
0:24:04 side
0:24:05 this video here that they've done
0:24:09 which uh sorry this this mukta here this
0:24:11 little bit
0:24:12 this little video bit here where she was
0:24:14 saying that someone who's divorced
0:24:16 should not should not accept the fact
0:24:19 that you know and it's true we don't say
0:24:21 that she should lower her standards or
0:24:22 think that she's less i agree yeah no
0:24:24 problem but listen to what she says
0:24:26 thereafter yeah okay so she says that i
0:24:28 i agree with what she said so far so do
0:24:31 i but this is what i found quite ironic
0:24:33 [Music]
0:24:36 of the prophet saws
0:24:37 how many of us have yet to divorcees
0:24:40 widows
0:24:41 and and the sahaba rush to marry them
0:24:44 subhanallah so
0:24:46 yeah but you see what do you think i'm
0:24:48 going to say here so she she said in the
0:24:50 first instance
0:24:52 that you shouldn't if there's a woman
0:24:54 who's a divorcee she shouldn't just
0:24:56 accept poligning right
0:24:57 and then she mentioned that the example
0:24:59 of habit and the prophet's wives
0:25:01 what do you think the disparity here is
0:25:03 in these two examples
0:25:05 you tell me you said it before uh okay
0:25:07 the disparity in these two examples is
0:25:09 those women who are divorcees married in
0:25:12 politicians marriages
0:25:20 so there were divorce women who got into
0:25:22 polygamy that's what i'm saying
0:25:24 if you mention in the prophet muhammad
0:25:26 as an example he had nine wives at one
0:25:28 time
0:25:29 yeah so these women were divorcees yes
0:25:31 but they were also getting the religious
0:25:32 marriages okay but but there are
0:25:34 companions who didn't marry divorced
0:25:36 women without being in polygamy
0:25:39 very very unlikely to be honest they
0:25:40 might have had the
0:25:41 air and they might have had the milky
0:25:43 mean and stuff that that was like that
0:25:44 was the exception
0:25:46 let's talk about the sabbath mentality
0:25:47 are you telling me none of the sahabas
0:25:49 would have wanted to marry
0:25:50 like for example that sahabah who came
0:25:52 actually oh no no the one the process of
0:25:54 said why did you not marry a virgin he
0:25:55 said i married a divorce you asked kids
0:25:57 because yeah but yeah we don't know
0:25:58 that's the only wife he's gone no
0:26:00 and we don't know if he we also don't
0:26:02 know that he didn't know at that time
0:26:04 but what i'm trying to say is the
0:26:05 possession of the right hand and stuff
0:26:06 okay no problem but let's let's be real
0:26:08 didn't have the mentality of i will not
0:26:10 marry a divorcee because she's a
0:26:11 divorcee no that would not we agree with
0:26:13 okay but that's what they're trying to
0:26:14 no i understand it but what i'm saying
0:26:15 is it's not it's not lowering your
0:26:17 standard necessarily i agree if if for
0:26:19 divorcee now she's got four kids or the
0:26:21 example they gave or five or six or
0:26:23 whatever it may be yeah
0:26:25 for her to realize that that is yeah
0:26:27 okay that is going to be an
0:26:29 inconvenience for a lot of men that is
0:26:31 going to be an inconvenience so what are
0:26:32 you saying what i'm saying is that's the
0:26:33 reality
0:26:35 that's how it should be thank you but
0:26:36 once again
0:26:38 we should make another thing clear which
0:26:40 is that he has no responsibility over
0:26:41 them the father and she does have
0:26:42 responsibility he has no respect he
0:26:44 doesn't need to give the money work yeah
0:26:45 anything so the point of the matter is
0:26:48 he cannot have his goodwill but he's
0:26:49 responsible if
0:26:50 with the advice has been given yeah is
0:26:52 not going to help yes let's just be
0:26:55 honest about it polygyny is there for a
0:26:57 reason it is there to make sure that
0:26:59 women who are
0:27:00 married or unmarried who may be
0:27:02 divorcees and cannot find husbands and
0:27:05 have been looking for five years 10
0:27:06 years whatever it may be
0:27:08 yeah can be absorbed back into the
0:27:09 marriage market yeah if they take this
0:27:11 kind of advice they sorry to say
0:27:14 the reality is yeah
0:27:16 they may die alone
0:27:18 it's not productive i think what the
0:27:19 issue here is this year look when i was
0:27:21 looking to get married yeah there was a
0:27:23 sister i was getting to know for
0:27:24 marriage who had kids
0:27:26 yeah and i wasn't thinking about
0:27:28 polygamy yeah yeah i was like my your
0:27:31 liar
0:27:34 i wasn't thinking about polygamy in my
0:27:35 head i was like if this is the right
0:27:36 person to me i accepted myself okay
0:27:38 maximum i would i would i could marry a
0:27:41 divorce with two kids that was maximum
0:27:42 three i personally
0:27:44 wouldn't personally the point i'm trying
0:27:46 to make here why are they equating and a
0:27:49 woman can have such a preference as well
0:27:50 she can say okay i don't want to marry a
0:27:52 man with kids thank you thank you
0:27:54 the point is this why is it yeah seen as
0:27:57 degrading that a divorced sister
0:28:00 gets into a polygamy
0:28:03 i don't understand this because it's to
0:28:04 be fair they don't say that no no it
0:28:06 does come across i'm totally against
0:28:08 that um
0:28:10 unless she's talking about that they are
0:28:12 seen as second-class citizens i doubt
0:28:14 they are because if a man is willing to
0:28:15 marry you he's not making you a side
0:28:18 chick yeah exactly
0:28:20 we need to marry you and you're a
0:28:22 divorcee okay no problem he's not saying
0:28:24 oh i'm going to marry you maybe for the
0:28:26 sake of allah maybe he can marry someone
0:28:27 younger but he's like look i want to
0:28:28 marry a sister with kids maybe because
0:28:30 the society that we live in sadly see
0:28:33 them as low value women like these red
0:28:35 people wherever they talk as and because
0:28:37 of that i want to marry them what is
0:28:39 wrong with that why do you feel degraded
0:28:41 why is this notion of look you go to the
0:28:42 moment you say something you gotta
0:28:44 admire about them
0:28:45 what did they call each other not called
0:28:47 wife that's my cool sister
0:28:49 yeah okay they say cool sister which
0:28:51 muslim sister would come today and say
0:28:54 that's my co-sister
0:28:56 go to sub-saharan africa do you know you
0:28:58 know we're talking in the western
0:28:59 context but you know do you know where
0:29:01 there are some places in the world where
0:29:03 the culture of polygamy is much it's
0:29:06 much more acceptable and women are much
0:29:08 more agreeable to it for example
0:29:10 people correct me if i'm wrong yeah but
0:29:11 sub-saharan africa nigeria forgot
0:29:14 nigeria go to indonesia apparently in
0:29:16 indonesian malaysia we've been told
0:29:17 anyway yes that is people are much more
0:29:19 open to yeah you know what i'm talking
0:29:21 about
0:29:24 but here's a segment okay so we've
0:29:25 talked about that so it's just to
0:29:27 summarize just to summarize this point
0:29:29 the the idea really is about
0:29:32 you know you know pollution is there for
0:29:33 a reason yeah of course it helps with
0:29:35 the marriage market
0:29:36 i don't want and everyone get don't get
0:29:39 advice that's unproductive okay one
0:29:40 second yeah well life polygamy is a
0:29:42 solution yes i don't care what i'll take
0:29:45 off my life they said to me we will hang
0:29:46 you and say
0:29:48 where do you want to hug me
0:29:49 myself
0:29:51 the point is this yeah
0:29:53 is a solution because what you need to
0:29:54 understand is polygamy is not exclusive
0:29:56 to muslim men
0:29:58 men practice polygamy in the wrong ways
0:30:00 allah has stipulated to be done in the
0:30:02 right way so co-wives be you a divorce
0:30:05 or no divorcee with kids or no kids you
0:30:07 have your rights protected okay so it's
0:30:09 been legislated so things can be done in
0:30:11 the right way i know many sisters would
0:30:14 message me when i when i first came to
0:30:16 islam and i started my youtube channel i
0:30:17 was doing a reality show yeah bro trust
0:30:19 me i used to get messages from sisters
0:30:20 who were on the verge of falling into
0:30:21 zinna because they are looked down upon
0:30:23 they are single mothers who have kids
0:30:25 nobody want to marry them they go into
0:30:27 these apps on all these men one like
0:30:28 they'll say to me i go into this app
0:30:30 once they find that i'm a divorcee with
0:30:32 kids they start flirting with me they
0:30:33 start talking to me in a certain way
0:30:36 when a man comes and he wants to marry
0:30:37 you why are you degrading that man why
0:30:40 are you making it unacceptable please
0:30:43 the point is this here yeah
0:30:44 once again i want to emphasize your
0:30:45 videos are good well light is needed all
0:30:47 we're just trying to say is there's
0:30:48 certain things that you're seeing that
0:30:50 have great consequences because don't
0:30:52 think it's the words that you utter
0:30:54 there are people that are watching and
0:30:55 thinking actually right or this stuff
0:30:57 actually let me divorce actually they're
0:30:59 making life-changing decisions you know
0:31:01 so what we're just trying to say sisters
0:31:03 is when you say something look because
0:31:05 you said you watched a lot all the
0:31:06 videos and they don't know
0:31:08 yeah but like five or six okay well then
0:31:10 to me it might be that you're talking
0:31:12 from experience yeah and i'm not talking
0:31:14 about the specific issue of divorce i'm
0:31:15 not talking about that so you need to
0:31:17 some of them are divorces they make it
0:31:18 clear okay but what i'm saying is that
0:31:20 if you bring your experiences to the
0:31:22 table it's not necessarily wrong but
0:31:24 what you may have gone through or what
0:31:25 you have suffered
0:31:26 what you are still suffering that you
0:31:28 may not have not been over
0:31:30 can cause harm because what you're doing
0:31:31 is you
0:31:32 i'm not pointing to any of these sisters
0:31:34 what i'm saying is it might be something
0:31:35 we all have gone through stuff in our
0:31:37 life if i come and give a deci
0:31:39 if somebody comes asking for advice and
0:31:41 i say oh do this because i'm in a mental
0:31:43 state of something that i've suffered my
0:31:45 advice might not be productive this is
0:31:47 what this is called it's called
0:31:48 self-referential altruism interesting
0:31:50 and the only you'll find these kind of
0:31:51 words apply
0:31:53 self-referendum
0:31:55 self-referential altruism is where
0:31:57 there's
0:31:59 self-referential altruism basically
0:32:00 altruism is when you care about other
0:32:02 people right self-referential altruism
0:32:04 is you care about other people or you
0:32:06 give advice that would let's say for
0:32:08 example impact other people because you
0:32:09 refer to your own experiences now this
0:32:12 is actually a very poor way to moralize
0:32:14 because it's first of all it's very um
0:32:17 it's a very small sample size you've got
0:32:18 yourself just
0:32:19 and that person like you said subjective
0:32:21 experience yeah that that person might
0:32:23 go go for a completely different yeah
0:32:25 with this analogous set of things and
0:32:27 what you're doing is you're projecting
0:32:28 your kind of own emotional yes energy
0:32:30 onto them it's it's like it's a form of
0:32:32 freudian projection but let's put that
0:32:33 to the side yeah let's see this next bit
0:32:35 because this advice gets worse to be
0:32:37 honest that is because to feel to be
0:32:39 accepted to be wanted they feel like if
0:32:42 i
0:32:43 show that i'm a mother then that means
0:32:46 i'm not good i'm going to be less
0:32:47 desirable
0:32:49 you know
0:32:50 it's so important this is who i am this
0:32:52 is how i am and this is what i've got
0:32:54 and
0:32:54 are you down
0:32:56 and if if listen ladies
0:32:59 if okay the man
0:33:01 asks you listen for the red flags red
0:33:04 flags yeah can they live with their
0:33:06 father
0:33:08 he's not accepted your kids are they
0:33:10 going to be living in us full time
0:33:12 he's not accepted your kids listen out
0:33:14 for these
0:33:16 living with the father is actually the
0:33:19 it's actually the ruling
0:33:20 if a woman is divorced
0:33:23 and she remarries the majority of
0:33:25 islam from
0:33:27 my understand based on the hadith in
0:33:29 timothy by the way with them whether
0:33:30 where the prophet muhammad saw a
0:33:32 movement came to him says shall i get
0:33:33 how could i not get custody of the
0:33:34 children when she was they were on my
0:33:37 you know lap and they were suckling from
0:33:38 my breasts and whatever and he said you
0:33:40 get custody of the children but if you
0:33:42 get married
0:33:43 then he gets the children that's the
0:33:44 ruling so if you get custody of the
0:33:46 children
0:33:46 obviously doesn't mean that the man
0:33:48 doesn't see them yeah
0:33:49 it just means that you get you're the
0:33:51 primary like custodian of the guardian
0:33:53 of the child now but if you get married
0:33:55 then he the father now gets custody of
0:33:57 the children so if if a man comes how
0:33:59 could that be a red flag if he just
0:34:01 wants to do ikama of the hadood of allah
0:34:03 okay or the
0:34:04 the
0:34:05 he wants he wants to uphold i think
0:34:08 i think she's talking about something
0:34:09 else no i don't think so it's not it's
0:34:10 not reflection
0:34:12 no no she's not she she said listen to
0:34:14 the red flags yeah
0:34:16 she said if he says can they go and live
0:34:18 with their father then he hasn't
0:34:19 accepted your children now if he says
0:34:21 that he can go and live with your father
0:34:23 that might just be because
0:34:25 that that's where they need to go okay
0:34:27 can it be also that for example
0:34:30 the father doesn't want them and the guy
0:34:32 that she's getting to know is basically
0:34:34 saying i don't want them in my life kind
0:34:36 of like i don't want them there i think
0:34:37 that's where she's coming from even if i
0:34:39 don't think she's coming that's what he
0:34:41 says it's the right of that fight you
0:34:43 get it otherwise how can you say that
0:34:45 assuming the best for the sake of uh for
0:34:47 the sake of argument but this is either
0:34:49 way it's not red flag if the man doesn't
0:34:51 if a man says look i really don't want
0:34:53 to get involved with with children i've
0:34:54 got my own children
0:34:55 to raise i don't see anything wrong with
0:34:58 that likewise if not i don't see
0:34:59 anything
0:35:00 no no if a woman wants to get if a woman
0:35:02 wants to get married to a man who's got
0:35:04 children yeah she says look i don't want
0:35:06 to i don't want to raise your children
0:35:09 what did you do i don't see anything
0:35:10 wrong with that how does that work what
0:35:12 did you do with the kids what do you
0:35:13 mean what does what does she do with the
0:35:14 kids can you imagine you're speaking to
0:35:15 a man and the man said how old are the
0:35:17 kids how old are they let's say they're
0:35:18 eight and nine
0:35:20 depends on the situation no one he
0:35:21 doesn't want to raise them but he
0:35:22 doesn't because
0:35:24 he's his catch 22 for a lot of men yeah
0:35:26 you want to raise a child yeah but then
0:35:28 when you get into their life yeah you're
0:35:30 number two because you are not the final
0:35:33 decision maker you will not be given the
0:35:34 same privileges as you would be if
0:35:38 you are the father and this goes on
0:35:39 listen to what they continue saying yeah
0:35:41 listen to what the somali system says
0:35:42 yeah okay you'll see more you get a
0:35:44 flavor of what they're talking about
0:35:46 right
0:35:47 because that is a sign of whether he is
0:35:50 ready to assume them into his fold or
0:35:53 not and or absolute indifference
0:35:56 you can state that they're there up
0:35:58 front but sometimes you get the case
0:36:00 where they're acting like they don't
0:36:01 exist there's no interest whatsoever
0:36:03 about their names their ages their it's
0:36:05 like they're not in their the way they
0:36:07 project the future they're not taking
0:36:09 them into account like you said and also
0:36:11 in the position of the mom
0:36:14 your your current home you know your
0:36:16 home environment has a particular
0:36:18 balance right now it's stable it's set
0:36:21 it has a culture and you're going to
0:36:23 bring an outsider into that culture and
0:36:25 you have to take into account whether
0:36:26 they're going to be a good fit for the
0:36:27 culture or not somebody who's going to
0:36:29 come in and be uptight and throw off
0:36:31 your balance and shush your kids and
0:36:33 change your home dynamic
0:36:35 and that can be applied to
0:36:38 so think of it this way early yeah so
0:36:40 the guy he wants
0:36:41 he this is this is the conundrum that
0:36:43 you're putting the man in yeah
0:36:45 he either comes in he comes in and
0:36:47 assumes the children he says you know i
0:36:48 have no problem raising the kids
0:36:50 he raises the kids but part of raising
0:36:52 children is disciplining them you start
0:36:54 shushing the kids now that's nonsense
0:36:55 that that what she said there about you
0:36:56 can't say shush is nonsense other than
0:36:59 that
0:37:00 that's the dynamic that other than that
0:37:02 this is the problem people are facing no
0:37:03 no no but that's nonsense about what
0:37:05 she's saying about a a person coming in
0:37:07 it's it's you need to understand it's
0:37:09 their children but a man who doesn't
0:37:11 even actually doesn't know their name
0:37:12 doesn't care about them that is
0:37:13 concerning to anyone even if i'm a
0:37:15 father and have a child and the woman
0:37:16 says the same thing but it no i have to
0:37:18 be real because come on but if you're
0:37:19 not even acknowledging my kids and you
0:37:20 want them out there is red flags to me
0:37:23 bro i have to be real if your sister is
0:37:24 coming and saying how many kids do i
0:37:25 have two kids from another marriage how
0:37:26 many days you keep them three days uh oh
0:37:28 brother that's a red flag bounce because
0:37:30 you're disregarding my kids you can come
0:37:32 and say look for example we can work
0:37:34 extension
0:37:37 if a new wife comes and you've got kids
0:37:38 from nevada and you start saying like
0:37:40 now you've got a raise you've got raised
0:37:41 my children as if it's no no no no no no
0:37:43 that's that's that's what happens
0:37:45 no no no many women do this men and
0:37:47 women both do this you've got kids from
0:37:48 another marriage yes they've got another
0:37:50 father or they got another mother let's
0:37:51 say yeah
0:37:52 why are they not taking why are you not
0:37:54 assuming the responsibility of the
0:37:55 parent now why are you now putting that
0:37:56 responsibility on someone else it's very
0:37:58 simple i don't think anyone can force
0:38:00 anyone to come and say look after my
0:38:01 kids the person that you marry if they
0:38:02 do the good will they do it but when
0:38:04 they come in come and tell them you have
0:38:05 to if they come in yeah and and and you
0:38:08 they want to assume that responsibility
0:38:09 whatever yeah yeah and they start you
0:38:11 know
0:38:12 discipline the child
0:38:13 what you're gonna say i'm sorry that's
0:38:14 just my child i'm sorry that that is
0:38:16 that's that's nonsense without your
0:38:18 respect to the sister to say you can't
0:38:20 what is what's this what the hell is
0:38:21 this i've married you i've accepted your
0:38:23 kids and i can't discipline that what
0:38:24 they're talking about i i'll be honest
0:38:26 this is pathetic yeah what is this
0:38:28 this is my sleeve in the house yeah
0:38:29 exactly you've made him basically
0:38:37 so you've got your own dynamics so this
0:38:39 goes back to kawamaya which they don't
0:38:40 mention ever yeah in the videos that
0:38:42 i've seen
0:38:43 that
0:38:44 you basically want the hawama because if
0:38:46 he's in the house and he he can't shush
0:38:49 the kids
0:38:50 what's what's happened to him he's
0:38:51 become an equal of one of the kids so if
0:38:54 you shush the kids what you're going to
0:38:55 discipline him what are you going to do
0:38:56 are you going to undermine him in front
0:38:58 of the kids
0:38:59 and let's see how long such a marriage
0:39:00 lasts
0:39:02 your marriage ain't gonna last my friend
0:39:03 yeah honestly because if you want to
0:39:04 undermine the disrespect a man in front
0:39:06 of your children even though he wants to
0:39:09 come in and contribute to their
0:39:10 upbringing and upkeep or or their
0:39:12 discipline and then what you're doing is
0:39:14 you're basically you're self-sabotaging
0:39:16 you are things that's what i was going
0:39:17 to say because at the end of the day
0:39:18 you're just proning yourself to being
0:39:20 divorced regularly yes and i'm sorry if
0:39:22 that sounds harsh because if you have a
0:39:24 man who's coming to willing to look
0:39:25 after your kids loving etc and you're
0:39:27 coming in boston you can't say shush to
0:39:28 my kids don't you ever raise it look you
0:39:30 can be protective but you've married
0:39:32 this person if you trust this person you
0:39:34 fall into your house to your life yeah
0:39:36 if he wants to discipline the kids i'm
0:39:37 not talking about you come home and he's
0:39:39 flipping the talking
0:39:44 so these are just some of the things
0:39:45 that we've come across it is a vast
0:39:47 topic there is a version it is a notion
0:39:48 there's a lot of things you can talk
0:39:50 about
0:39:50 the points let's let's just let's
0:39:52 summarize and give constructive
0:39:53 criticism yeah
0:39:55 to summarize look number one don't get
0:39:57 involved with issues that have any
0:39:59 implication of what is referred to as
0:40:00 prada which means islamic rulings
0:40:02 because these kind of things they
0:40:04 require
0:40:06 an arbitrator they require someone to
0:40:07 come in and to see
0:40:09 person one person two side person one
0:40:11 side and to make a decision holistically
0:40:13 especially when it comes to divorce
0:40:15 divorce
0:40:16 and i'm really sorry to say this
0:40:18 for people that want or considering it
0:40:21 man or woman do not approach lay people
0:40:24 like us like them yes don't approach us
0:40:26 for uh for i'm i'm thinking of divorce
0:40:28 yeah yeah i'm thinking of a hola
0:40:34 number two yeah number two the second
0:40:36 thing i say is you have to start if you
0:40:38 if you want islamic solutions for muslim
0:40:40 people and you've got a demographic
0:40:42 which is uniquely let's say female right
0:40:45 then you have to start introducing the
0:40:46 quran more regularly yeah yeah yeah and
0:40:49 you have to emphasize and don't shy away
0:40:51 from emphasizing the key components of
0:40:53 the religion especially with intergender
0:40:55 dynamics and stuff so for example kawama
0:40:58 the kind of emphasis that is put by the
0:41:00 prophet muhammad these concepts would
0:41:03 would to us indicate that that should be
0:41:05 that kind of emphasis should be put by a
0:41:07 man or woman who wants to speak about
0:41:08 these issues to muslim people yeah and
0:41:11 especially on pastoral levels number
0:41:13 three what uh so we said number one
0:41:16 number two
0:41:17 uh
0:41:19 number three
0:41:20 i would say this bro i would actually
0:41:22 say it would benefit you guys if you had
0:41:25 one person of knowledge yes a female
0:41:28 yeah yes it doesn't have to be about at
0:41:29 all you get a female
0:41:34 to look over your stuff and not only
0:41:35 that but to sit with you guys so you can
0:41:37 actually consult her so you can get it's
0:41:39 because these are pastoral issues
0:41:41 in many ways they're actually even more
0:41:43 complicated than thou issues yeah
0:41:45 they're more complicated so you need a
0:41:47 thick specialist on hand
0:41:50 and because some of the blunders that
0:41:51 are coming out would suggest that you
0:41:53 don't have that kind of thing and if you
0:41:55 have someone there with you they can do
0:41:56 is tiddle they can do shad meaning you
0:41:59 they would be bringing out quran ayah
0:42:01 sunnah hadith and that's what the that's
0:42:03 what this thing is missing apart from
0:42:05 that you guys are doing good work of
0:42:06 course and hopefully you didn't take
0:42:08 offense to this we need to check each
0:42:10 other and hold each other account some
0:42:11 of the advice that was given has to be
0:42:13 productive
0:42:14 and it also has to be realistic can it
0:42:15 and we hope we because we have the same
0:42:17 objective we're on the same team we are
0:42:19 on the same team yeah and the objective
0:42:21 is to get people in stable families you
0:42:24 know and people can get people away from
0:42:25 zina so my question to you is that when
0:42:27 is your marriage fraudulent documentary
0:42:29 coming out
0:42:31 i mean
0:42:33 let me tell you something it's not
0:42:34 coming out is it it is coming out and
0:42:36 when it is come out when it does come
0:42:37 out
0:42:38 it would be groundbreaking yeah box
0:42:40 office smashing yeah it's gonna cause
0:42:42 earthquakes in the um i'm speculating
0:42:45 maybe here 10.7 on the with this game
0:42:47 yeah it's going to cause and the reason
0:42:49 why because this is about it goes up to
0:42:50 9. no no this has gone above that
0:42:52 brother yeah this is called tsunamis in
0:42:54 the regions yes people drowned you know
0:42:56 people drown people need life jackets
0:43:00 the point the point is but it is i'll be
0:43:02 honest it is a big topic man and it's
0:43:04 and that is what i aim to do when i
0:43:06 release it it's to delve
0:43:08 down
0:43:09 yes usual
0:43:11 delve into the topic because it is such
0:43:13 a big ocean yeah and there's so many
0:43:16 problems actually and the reason why i
0:43:17 was a bit passionate and aggressive in
0:43:19 the video i want to give a disclaimer
0:43:21 it's not towards the sisters it's
0:43:22 because it's satisfying misogynist
0:43:25 you know what's really sad to see bro is
0:43:27 because i hear left right center hello
0:43:28 yeah but i'm getting a divorce i'm
0:43:29 getting a divorce i'm going to say bro
0:43:31 it's a pandemic yeah so the thing is
0:43:33 this when we have that issue
0:43:35 of the ummah bro it's dangerous we want
0:43:37 to
0:43:38 we don't want people to get divorced
0:43:39 okay because divorce
0:43:41 marriages mean broken families broken
0:43:43 kids the future ummah is ruined so
0:43:45 that's why we need to make sure we're
0:43:47 very careful with our words and when we
0:43:49 afterwards that divorce so easily it's
0:43:51 not that easy you know so yes as we're
0:43:54 careful you know what doing fear except
0:43:56 etcetera table well if yes happy days um
0:43:59 we need to be careful with the word
0:44:00 divorces especially relating to women
0:44:02 because exactly what women doing
0:44:04 going to ask a man for divorce is not
0:44:06 the same as men going to ask a woman for
0:44:08 divorce exactly a woman a man can do
0:44:10 talk to a woman without a consultation
0:44:13 or a woman doing
0:44:15 hola is a completely different kettle
0:44:16 official together and hadith has come
0:44:18 that if a woman asked for divorce for no
0:44:20 reason yeah then she is to be given such
0:44:22 and such a punishment she will not be
0:44:24 you know the fragrance of jannah she
0:44:25 will not smell then so on yeah it's not
0:44:27 the same
0:44:29 like for example he mentions that the
0:44:30 reason talaqa stimulated the three is
0:44:32 because the pagan arabs used to abuse it
0:44:34 they used to divorce their wives and
0:44:35 their wives wanted to move on and they
0:44:36 would take them back and they would do
0:44:37 this over and over again allah
0:44:39 legislated to free so let's not get the
0:44:40 talaq thing of i'm in power i'm yes
0:44:43 there is that element but also that if
0:44:45 you abuse it allah subhanahu wa is the
0:44:47 the reason allah registers that your
0:44:49 wife would have to go and have intimacy
0:44:51 get married with another man that's the
0:44:52 consequence so it won't be your wife
0:44:54 anymore but we won't be a wife anymore
0:44:55 but the point is this bro if it's your
0:44:57 wife and you bro you don't you don't
0:44:58 want to give that divorce and you gave
0:44:59 it because your stupidity that comes at
0:45:02 a cost so let's not make it seem like
0:45:03 the talaqa thing that we have is
0:45:04 something that we carry and it's yeah
0:45:06 i'll use however like no we can fire him
0:45:10 it can backfire us by the way this is a
0:45:11 deep topic inshallah in the coming uh
0:45:13 times in february when the documentaries
0:45:15 are gonna begin to have internet dove
0:45:17 into this i mean
0:45:18 until next time happy birthday across
0:45:20 your hands
0:45:33 you